Vampire blood (Bloody dreams) - rewriting, on hold at the moment

Vampire blood XXX

Copyright © 2010 Alexandra-Patricia Pusca

ID 8389919

ISBN: 978-1-4457-0390-9

Lulu publishing

CHAPTER XXX

ALEXIA'S POV

It's been a long three days. After the inexplicable event from the Council's meeting room, everything, my future, my destiny, the path that I should follow, became clearer day by day. I am forced to live in a new strange and scary world, a world of the immortals, a world ruled by pain, cruelty and blood. "Why did it have to happen to me?" I keep asking myself in vain. I know I don't belong in this hateful world as much as any of them belongs in mine. But, even if I try to understand the route I am meant to follow, everything is just the way it should be. Even if that sounds crazy, even if I have a lot of questions, somehow, in a strange and inexplicable way I feel like I am exactly where I should be. Fate, some strange god's sense of humour... Who knows? It doesn't even really matter anymore when you know that there is no turning back. And if I know something from my life until now is the fact that you should never become nervous for something that you don't know or that it isn't in your power to control. So, what else is left for me than to wait and see what happens? If I am meant to die then be it. It's not like I can do anything in order to prevent such an outcome.

Thinking about everything since I met Michael makes me feel, for the first time during my entire life, lonely. It's ironic, don't you think so? I've spent my life lead by the constant desire of being alone. And now, when I finally have this opportunity, I feel scared, powerless like a child, not because my life is threatened or that I might die in less than a few seconds, not even because I am held hostage by vampires, none of this makes me feel scared, besides the fact that, for the first time I am all by myself. What an irony! During my entire life I always wanted to be alone and now, when I am finally on my own, I don't feel safe at all. I don't know why, but, thinking back, I believe that somehow, in an inexplicable way, I knew that someone was watching and protecting me. It was Michael. And now, after I pushed him away, lying to him in my fable attempt to protect the ones important for me, I've lost my hope and the emotional support I desperately needed.

So many things happened in such a short period of time. Why? All I ever wanted was to live and die peacefully. Now, when I finally have the time to think back at my previous life I understand that there were so many things that I wanted to do, so many insignificant actions that could have ruled my small and ephemeral existence. I will never be able to turn around, because, despite the fact that I hate them all for ruining my world, I have to admit that now, when I finally know the truth there is no turning back. All these events made me realise the obvious past that will never let me go back to what I used to be. I am trapped in a soulless and cruel world without the smallest chance of running away.

Ohhh...how much I wish I could really run away, losing me in the ocean of faces of different religions, races, cultures and families. Family? Does this single six letters word have a meaning for me? The only family I ever loved isn't even my own. And, even if it would be, now it's too late to change the course of the events.

The truth is that I am far away from my family, from my usual life and from my friends. By now probably all of them already stopped looking for me. The police closed the case, admitting the fact that I might be dead or missing by my own choice. And even if they didn't stop looking for me, it isn't like they could possibly find this place. The...vampires already took me out of the country, so it would be very difficult for my family or for the authorities to ever find me again.

If only I could run away. If only I could lose myself in this world, travelling without looking back, without thinking at the material possessions, without looking for someone or something, without wanting anything else than knowing myself. Now, when I don't longer have my freedom, I want to run in the rain, to travel in every unknown place of this world, to feel the breeze of the night and its cold touch on my soft skin, to run from everyone and especially from myself. When I think about my life I see only pain and despair, strange mixed and unidentified emotions, like a fog has formed inside my head and soul making me forget who I am and what is that I really want to do with my life from now on. I was always trapped inside my mind without being able to find my way in this cold and evil existence that we are meant to have.