Never hit a girl...Never hit a girl...
I kept telling myself this in my head as the redhead babbled on about some professor at her university who was marking her psychology coursework unfairly, which could seriously harm her chances of getting her degree with flying colours.
Now, I had managed to get all of that from what she was saying, but by the god of me I cannot remember this chick's name.
The mind works in mysterious ways.
"...and I said to him, that was a totally valid point because the textbook even supported the theory!" she continued to complain, but by this point my mind was wondering off to the FAT bacon sandwich I was going to make when I rolled in drunk at the end of the night.
"...he told me to re-write the whole thing just because apparently my name and the title of the essay didn't count as part of the 10,000 words..."
Definitely going to put brown sauce in there.
"...Even my best friend Hailey; I told you about Hailey, completely agreed that it was SO unfair..."
I might toast the bread actually...
"...She was like 'OH.MY.GOD' I so can't believe he made you do that..."
Yeah, definitely toast the bread...
"Drake!" I snapped out of my thoughts, almost checking the corner of my mouth for drool after daydreaming about that beautiful crispy bacon sandwich, dripping with brown sauce...
Jesus, I have the attention span of a dead fish.
"Yeah?" I finally replied, putting my attention back to the redhead who was looking at me with accusing eyes.
"Were you even listening to me?" She asked, pouting slightly with her brows raised as she waited for my answer like my mother would when I was younger and she asked me something along the lines of 'What do you have to say for yourself young man?'
That one look made me realise that this girl was sooo not worth putting myself through this. Sure, she was hot but having to spend the whole night listening to her babble and act like my mother when I pissed her off just on the slight chance she will come home and suck my dick like a hoover was just too much work.
I just got out of jail man, I need to take it easy.
"Look I'm not going to lie to you lady, I zoned out around the time you started talking about university loans. I just came out with my friend to have a few drinks and hook up with easy girls that could give me a quick fix but then I would have run out on you in the morning before you'd have had a chance to say 'call me'. I really did think that girl could have been you, but quite frankly you've bored the erection out of me." I quickly cleared up, sighing heavily as I got that off my chest.
One thing you should know about me, I hate beating around the bush. I was fed up of this girl, why shouldn't I tell her? It might give her a few pointers on how not to bore a guy to near suicide in the future.
She was staring at me with her eyes wide open, her jaw almost on her knees at the words that just came out of my mouth. She didn't move for a while, and I was just about to snap my fingers in her face and shout at her to see if she was still with us when I suddenly remembered I had no clue what to actually shout. I just called the freaking girl 'lady'.
"Oh by the way..." I began like I had just remembered something "What is your name?"
And that is how on the first night of me as a free man, I got slapped around the face by an anonymous stranger.
YOU ARE READING
Illegal My AssHumor
Mia Hastings was never one to follow the rules. Her brother knew it, her best friend knew it. Everyone knew it. She lives for the moment, doing whatever she feels and thinking of the consequences later. Her main goal in life is to live it. Mia’s br...