You Say What?!: Funny Pick-Up Lines, Quotes, and Things You Shouldn't Say...

7.1K 30 7

A/N: I absolutely LOVE funny pick-up lines, funny quotes, and such... These are just some of my favorites! I don't own any of them unless I say I do! Enjoy! (:

~Funny Pick-Up Lines~

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

You turn my floppy disk into a hard drive!

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in!

If I had a garden, I'd put your two lips and my two lips together.

Let's commit the perfect crime; I steal your heart, and you steal mine.

I won't use a pick-up line, if you let me buy you a drink.

Do you have a band-aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you!

You're like an encyclopedia... You barf out random pieces of information. Can I rent you for the night? I need to do my homework. (; -@selcouthghost and me!

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

~Amazing Terrible Pick-up Lines~

You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

Do you wanna come dance with the big bad wolf? [No!] That's okay, the other two pigs said no too!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. Oh really? I'd put F and U together.

Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is pretty messed up.

You don't sweat much for a fat chick.

Who's your friend?

Are you from Jamaica? Because Jamaican me crazy! Are you from Yukon? Because Yukon go screw yourself.

I put the STD in stud, all I need is 'u.'

Hey baby, let's play carpenter! I get hammered and then I nail you... Sorry, you didn't bring enough wood.

I know milk does a body good, but damn! You probably never had any.

~Funny Quotes~

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." -Jim Carrey

"Go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company." -Mark Twain

"Men are like bank accounts; without any money, they generate little interest." -Unknown

"A woman once said a man is like a deck of playing cards... You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to bash his head with, and a spade to bury him." -Unknown

"Enjoy life! There's plenty of time to be dead later." -Unknown

 "Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried before." -Mae West

"We're the kind of people who laugh at a joke 3 times; once when it's being told, once when it's being explained, and again five minutes later when we actually get it." -Unknown

"I tend to laugh at my mistakes, so pardon me if I laugh in your face." -Unknown

"If you are talking shit behind my back, then you are in a better position to kiss my ass." -Unknown

"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid rather than to open it and remove all doubt." -Mark Twain

~60 Things to Do in an Elevator~