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Sorry this is not an update and sorry if I'm not updating like I usually do. I'm going through an emotional rollercoaster and I am trying to keep my shit together. I have to vent my anger on something ..umm.. Productive? And something, you know, safe for others and good to my health as well.

People often compliments me with my body and how it changed over the months (mostly the rear area *elbow nudge*) but they don't know that I usually work out whenever I'm stressed or trouble. Repeatedly saying that I should let myself go because of other's ego (haha that rhymed). I work best when I'm confident and being chubby just isn't my cup-of-tea (not that I hate being chubby, I would love the idea of having some fat here and there but in the right places) 

So anyways thanks to those who listened.. or read my note. I appreciate that. I started this book out of boredom and to use my time efficiently. This story have seen me at my best and worst time. I wrote some parts of it when I was so happy (The Queen), some parts when I'm devastated (Mirage) but the most painful was when I was reminiscing the past (Nostalgia and Finger Tips), all the things I said that I couldn't take back, all the things I did that i couldn't undo.

But the most painful is definitely the words I should've said and should've done.

I always tell myself my favorite quote

Never regret.
If it's going. It's wonderful
If it's bad. It's experience
-Victoria Holt

But in all honesty I wouldn't say I didn't regret anything, it's just I think about the past and sometimes that would just make you sad and perhaps there's an urge that will make you want to redo history. But if you can redo it. If.

Would it really satisfy you?

Every mistake happened for a reason.
Every tear that has been shed has a certain meaning.

Well I drifted in the topic for a while huh. Well it's already been almost a whole   hour since I started writing this note. It's time to finish our small talk.

I'm looking forward on doing this again. You know, If you're down to it.

I would share some of my emotions to you with one of my poems.

I think it's better showing it to you instead of leaving it hidden.

12-20-16 (11:45 -12:07 noon)

Sweetheart, hAve you seen me smile lately?
I bet not.
You see, I drifted to sleep crying quietly.
Do you know that?
I bet not.

My dear, have you seen me spoke cheerfully?
I bet not.
All my thoughts are deep and complicated that I hide ever so carefully.
Have you noticed it?
I bet not.

Darling, have you heard my soul singing yet?
I bet not.
For I do not sing to people who treat me as a pet.
Have you realized that?
I bet not.

My love, have you seen me introduce you to the world Judgement?
I bet not.
Because you're the best and worst mistake I've done that I won't regret.
Have you forgot all of it yet?
I bet not.

Honey, have you seen me loved you so unconditionally?
I bet not.
BecauS.e this is a game we played ever so willingly.
Blinded by all the fighting.
DeCeived by all the lying.
Comforted by all the loving.
Can you forgive me?
I bet not.

Honestly, I played this mind game ever so carefully.
Every event, counted.
Every word, planned.
Very touch, conducted.
Every lie, diverted.
Every person, deceived.

Do you really understand me?
Do you really love me?
Would you set me free easily?
I bet not.
Because I can read you effortlessly.

Yaa please don't copy that. I'm serious.


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