Oh, how I hate anxiety.

I'm not a person who gets anxious a lot, only when I know I messed up badly and the future I've planned out isn't the one I want anymore, and basically everything I've built in the past few months is about to slip through my fingers. Yes, I have that type of anxiety.

"Oh come on Lenny, what would Jesus do!" Alex yells as he ducks down, the knife missing him by a few centimetres. 

"You can ask him when I'm done with you!" I threaten him and lunge at him, making him throw himself out of my way, his body hitting the floor of my room with a heavy thud.

He lifts his hands in defence, lying on his back. "Listen, Lenny, I wasn't going to tell him, I swear! Why do you always use Tinkerblade when you're pissed, that's not cool! Also, dragging me here by my ear was so unnecessary and painful, you're honestly so violent sometimes and I think we should start working on that problem, maybe some yoga would help-"

"Shut up!" I tackle him, sitting on top of his chest so he can't move, trapping his arms with my legs. "I won't repeat this twice Alex. Stay away from Harry." I make sure to emphasise each word, my eyes looking straight into his. "Don't try to interfere in my relation with him, especially not today."

"He interfered between us," he mutters. "We had plans, Elena. I've never seen you behave this way, you look like a lovesick puppy, what the hell?" I frown and look away. "Holy crap on a cracker, you love him, don't you?" His mouth gapes, an angry expression settling on his face. "No attachments to anyone, remember?"

"Oh sure, because I have control over who I'm going to fall for." I jab my finger into his chest. "We're going to Wildfire today and we're going to strike that deal. And we're going to make sure that Hazard wins. Is that clear?"

"Okay, first of all, get off me, I can't breathe." He wheezes dramatically, trying to free his arms.

I roll my eyes and stand up, but not before pinching his side, making him groan in pain and almost throw me off him as he twists his body in a weird angle. He stands up and presses his palm to his chest, trying to catch his breath as if he was running for half an hour straight.

"I think I saw grandma. . ." he mumbles, being melodramatic as per usual.

I quickly grab my knife jammed into the door, turning to Alex. His eyes widen and he takes a step back as he realises I'm done with joking around. This isn't a laughing matter, nothing about our pending fate is.

"Alright, alright," he mutters and I lower the knife, glaring at him expectantly. "I don't understand this. Why do you suddenly care if Hazard wins, that wasn't part of the deal. We hand them over and what happens next isn't our concern since we'd be gone."

"How can you say that so calmly? What about Louis? Niall, Liam? Aren't they your friends? And Jess? How can you not care about them?" I look at him in disbelief, throwing my hands up in frustration.

"I'm not saying I don't care!" He snaps. "I care, I care too much! I'm always the one to feel everything, you have the ability to shut it all out, but not me! Just this once, I wanted to stay unaffected, I wanted the future we had talked about and planned so carefully, I wanted us to be safe like you promised to dad. I can't afford myself to cave in, I can't."

"Things change, Alex. Life never goes according to plan," I say with a sigh, letting some of my anger to dissolve. "Yes, we had our future envisioned, but neither of us took into account meeting them - these wonderful people who now need our help. We offered it and I'm not going to back down. I'll tell Harry the whole truth today, but after the deal and after I make sure no one tries to take advantage of Hazard. I'm afraid he'd pass up on this opportunity otherwise, and I can't let that happen."

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