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The silence was calming, but almost nerving. Rick, Michonne and Daryl were sleeping outside, while Carl and Lauren sat in the backseat. She didn't know how to explain herself, and he didn't even know where to start. Even being in the car most of the time, he heard every single word Joe spoke to her.
"Do you know what it feels like getting beaten to death?" She whispered, glancing out the window with cold eyes. Lauren could feel his lingering stare on her, but she felt that the moment she saw his eyes, tears would fall from hers. This being the first time she ever told anybody of what Joe's men did to her was harrowing, but it also felt like a giant weight being taken off her chest.
"It's kind of peaceful, actually. After you stop paying attention to how much it hurts." Lauren looked down to her boots. "It feels like...like you're floating away."
Carl's jaw hung open slightly, knowing what she meant by her explaining that to him. He wondered how he could've been so blind. Carl wished she would've told him earlier, but he knew it wasn't his place to demand for her to speak of her past.
"Lauren...I'm so sorry, you don't deserve that." He stated. She was going to contradict his statement, but he already knew she would. "And don't say you deserve it, because you're not a monster. I don't care what he said, he was the monster, not you."
Lauren smiled lightly, turning to face the ground. She wondered how she got so lucky to find someone that truly thought she was good at heart.
"How are you doing?" Carl questioned, trying to keep at the subject, but Lauren wanted to change it so badly.
"I should be the one asking you that," Lauren stated while turning to him. He shook his head, acting like what had just happened to him wasn't traumatizing.
"You've been trough worse than me, how are you, really?" He asked again. This was the moment when Lauren had a feeling she was ready. She was ready to tell somebody how she really was.
"I'm not okay, and I wasn't back then either." She began, searching his eyes to see if he cared to listen.
"You sure you want to tell me?" He questioned, his hand brushing over hers lightly. She took a moment to think, before nodding. His fingers intertwined with hers, as if he was trying to let her know she could do this.
"Joe's group...they used to be different. There were women, even children. They took me in after-after killing my old group. But I never knew they killed them, they hid the truth from me. They only took me in because...a woman named Josephine didn't want them to kill me."
Lauren took a deep breath as she continued. "I was with them for months, and...Joe and Josephine were together-somewhat. But I noticed they seemed to not be as close after awhile, and that's when it started. I was...I was abused. Joe would make his men do it for him, he only did it a few times. They would...lock me in this cellar, for days, weeks. I finally found out the truth, and figured out why he made his men hurt me. He thought I was the reason they broke up, because every time she looked at me I reminded her of that night they killed my group. I guess...she finally woke up and realized he wasn't the good guy anymore."
