Chapter 34

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Chapter 34
Scream

"Your father might seem very healthy because he's smiling all the time, but he's not. I don't know how he's enduring all the pain, specially his headaches, but he's doing a great job concealing it. He doesn't have much time left but it looks like he can still last for months or even a year."

I recalled Dr. Smith's last words about Dad's condition while looking at Dad playing with Lyrae.

Wala nang tumutulong luha galing sa aking mata nang binuhos ko itong lahat kanina. Ngayon ay tanging pamamaga at pamumungay nalang ng aking mga mata ang makikita mo. My eyes are already tired from crying and crying.

"Apo, can you please get lolo some water?" malambing na pakisusap ni Daddy kay Lyrae.

"Okay po." nakangiting sabi ni Lyrae at saka agad na sinunod ang utos ni Daddy.

Napalingon naman si Daddy sa akin. He gave me a warm smile but all I can do is to turn around. I don't want to see him smiling at me like everything's fine when I know that he's hurting so much inside.

He can scream and cry if he's undergoing headaches and so much pain. He doesn't need to show me that he's strong to face all of the pain dahil alam kong mahirap labanan 'yon. Mas gusto kong makita pa siyang nahihirapan para alam ko kung ano ang dapat kong gawin para sa kaniya kaysa nagpapanggap na masaya at nangangapa ako kung ano ang nararamdaman niya.

"Lolo, ito na po water." rinig kong sabi ni Lyrae.

"Salamat, Lyrae." sabi naman ni Daddy. "I hope you grow up just the way you are. Continue being a good girl, okay?"

"Syempre naman po." Lyrae said and giggled.

Napabuntong hininga naman ako at lumabas ng kwarto ni Daddy. I don't want to hear him like he's saying his final words. Bawat pagsasalita niya'y para siyang nagpapaalam sa aming lahat.

Nagulat naman ako sa malaking kamay na dumapo sa aking balikat. Nilingon ko ang nagmamay-ari noon at nakita ko si Sean na namumungay na rin ang mga mata. I know that he's also tired. Hindi ko nga alam kung nakatulog ba siya sa biyahe namin.

"What did his doctor tell you?" Sean asked me before he sat beside me.

"Sinabi niya sa akin na wala na siyang magagawa para mapagaling pa si Daddy." sabi niya. "How can a doctor just give up on his patient who's still breathing?"

"Maybe because his patient chose not to breathe anymore." sabi naman ni Sean at napalingon ako sa kaniya.

He turned to look at me. Instead of the intense gaze he used to give me, his eyes now are full of compassion.

"I talked to your Dad when you talked to his doctor. I also tried to convince him for you and also for Lyrae." sabi niya at umiling saka sumandal sa aming inuupuan. "He doesn't want to fight anymore and I understand him. Naiintindihan ko ang dahilan ng Daddy mo. I understand where he's coming from."

Maybe Dad also told him that he already wants to be with my Mom up above that's why he doesn't want to fight for his life.

"If I were also him, kapag nakita kong maayos na si Lyrae paglaki niya, I can also die already... Iyon ay kung iniwan mo na rin ako at nauna na." sabi ni Sean. "Your Dad's love for your Mom is so unconditional."

Napangiti naman ako at hindi maiwasang balikan ang mga lumang photobooks nila mommy't daddy kung saan nakalagay ang mga litrato nilang dalawa. Sa mga litrato palang na 'yon ay nakikita ko na kung gaano kamahal ni daddy si mommy at ganoon din naman si mommy kay daddy.

"Naiintindihan ko naman si Daddy..." sabi ko. "I know how much he loves Mom, but I still want to be with him, Sean. It's too all of a sudden. I wasn't prepared for these things to happen. Hindi pa ako handang mawala siya sakin. I still need him to be with me. I still need his guidance and all. I still need him in my life."

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