I don't know what woke me up first.
The blinding sun flashing in my face or the insane pounding in my head.
I rolled over with a loud groan.
I looked up at the bedside table and saw a tall glass of water and three big aspirins.
When Cynthia did things like this, guilt immediately washes over me.
She loves me.
I know everyone tells her to leave.
To go and find someone who will treat her better than me.
Sometimes I wish she would, just so I won't feel so guilty over everything I do to her.
But she stays and sticks by my side.
She doesn't give up on me.
Not like everyone else did.
I think that's why I do it.
Why I cheat, lie, do drugs and drink so much.
She's never caught me cheating of course, but she knows.
She's not stupid even though she never asks me or confronts me about it.
I remember there was a time when Cynthia was the only one I had eyes for.
Back then, I wouldn't have dreamed of being with anyone but her, of causing her as much pain as I do.
Now, it's like second nature.
I know she's not going to leave me.
I could beat her, cheat in front of her, light the house on fire and she'd still stand by my side.
She'd still look up at me like I'm the greatest thing to walk the earth even though I know I'm the furthest thing from it.
That's why I do it.
Because no matter what I do, she'll be there.
It doesn't excuse me from what I do.
It is what it is.
I took a long shower, scrubbing my entire body until I turned a bright red.
When I got out I brushed my teeth thouroughly and slipped on my shorts and boxers.
I made my way downstairs, the smell of eggs and bacon filling my nose.
I rounded the corner and saw Cynthia with her back to me, facing the stove.
I walked silently behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist tightly.
At my touch, she shuddered, almost like she didn't know who I was.
In a sense, she really didn't.
I turned her around and planted a deep kiss on her lips.
The second my tongue touched the inside of her mouth, I felt her face scrunch up and she pulled away.
I looked into her eyes and for a second, they were filled with unimaginable pain.
I blinked quickly and that look was gone.