Falling for the Bad Guy (Leonard Snart Fanfic)

Chapter 3: Loneliness and Grievance

(Luna's Pov)

It was hard to sleep so it seemed. I maybe got a few hours of sleep and I guess my brain decided to wake me up at 3am so that's cool. I tried going back to sleep but being in the dark and silence made the voices in my head loud again...so I just lied on my bed in nothing but silence and stare at my ceiling till the sun came up...

My brain just loves reminding me that my mom's dead, my dad's in jail, Iris never really liked me, Joe is always working and stressed and Barry...well not only is he busy with 2 jobs but he's completely abandoned me...we don't hang out like we used to, he doesn't really ask how I am and whenever I ask if we can hang out or talk he says he's busy and that hurts...

Dad told us to stick together and Barry promised...HE PROMISED...He broke that promise and broke my heart...he's my big brother...he's supposed to love, protect and take care of me...but no...while he's having fun working and saving people and hanging with his friends, he doesn't care in the slightest bit that I am dying on the inside, that his poor little sister hurts herself and cries herself to sleep and has nightmares...he doesn't care that his little sister is broken...

My heart pounded as tears welled up in my eyes...It hurts...loneliness really fucking hurts...I lost everything and everyone and no one cares...no one fucking cares...My life was fine...My life was perfect...I had the best family I could ever ask for then one stupid thing happened and it ended up in catastrophe...my mom dead, dad in prison, and Barry abandoning me...All in a few year span...you know what that does to a little girl? It breaks them and well...here I am a 20 year old girl still so fucking broken...

Tears fell from my face as I let out shaky breaths. I clenched my fists and dug my nails into my skin to feel something else than this fucking pain. My heart raced and body started to tremble...I hate this...I hate feeling this way and thinking back to everything but it hurts...

It hurts so much and I've tried therapy, I've tried meds and none of it worked so I just stopped trying...I don't wanna feel like this forever...12 years of fucking pain and suffering...12 years of pain, loneliness, trauma, anger and selfharm...12 fucking years...how does that just go away?

I turned and clenched my pillow tightly and sobbed in it. My body trembled as my head and heart pounded. My face hurt, my body hurt, everything hurt and I'm so tired and don't wanna do it anymore...I just can't...

(A Few Hours Later)

After a while, I managed to stop crying, it was 6am as I called in sick for work because I just can't today...I wanna see mom and just talk to her and even tho she's dead, I know she'll listen...I just need to get out today and think...I sighed as I've been in my bed for hours just watching the sun slowly come up. I yawned and sighed as I sat up and rubbed my face tiredly. 

I hopped out of bed stretching and yawning. I went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror seeing I looked like shit. My hair was all over the place, my face was pale, my eyes were bloodshot and red and puffy along with the rest of my face...I just looked so dead man...I mean that's how I feel really but that's nothing new. I sighed as I turned on the shower and stripped out of my clothes and hopped in letting out a small sigh as the hot water felt nice...It just washed away all the tiredness, stress, and everything else.

After my shower, I turned off the water, hopped out and wrapped a towel around myself and headed back to my room. I dried off, put on clean undergarments and hopped in jeans and a cropped hoodie. I sighed as I slid on my shoes and quietly headed out of my room and downstairs hearing someone in the kitchen assuming it was Joe.

I heard running water assuming he was making coffee. I quietly headed out of the house and let out a small sigh not bothering with anyone because I just can't today. I was greeted by the bright sun and cool wind which felt nice. I took a deep breath and decided to head to a café for liquid energy and a flower shop to get flowers for my mom.