I've decided to push it out of my head and stop being such a bummer, although I'm not entirely sure if I love Ashton, I sure do like him.
At the moment, Ashton is pinning me down and won't stop tickling me.
"Stop!" I laugh, holding my sides.
"Why should I?" He asks chuckling.
"Because I'm your girlfriend and I can break up with you"
He sighs in defeat, but still pinning me down to give me a peck on the lips.
"Only because I love you"
"I..." Love you too.
"Think we should get tacos"
"Uh... Okay" he says, getting up.
I think I was going to say it, but I chickened out.
"I want tacos!" Beth smiles, popping out of nowhere
"Okay fine, get in the car" Ashton chuckles
After eating tacos, we drop Bethany to her friends and Ashton drops me home, the car ride was silent.
"Thanks Ash, I'll see you at school! I kiss his cheek
"Yeah, love you" He smiles
I give him a smile then leave the car.
I spent all night trying to sort my feelings out, as if it weren't hard enough confessing I even liked Ashton in the first place.
I still had no luck.
The next morning, Ashton seemed a bit disturbed.
I said hey to him but he brushed me off, I made myself believe that he didn't hear me; that he didn't just ignore me.
"Hey Heather, do you know what's up with Ashton?" I ask
"No, but he did say something to Brian, but I'm not sure what"
"Looks like the power couple is going splitsville" Evie smirks
"What are you talking about?" I ask
"Oh come on, the way Ashton ignored you, don't act so stupid. He's totally breaking up with you."
"Yeah? And what do you know?" Heather asks, glaring at her
"Ashton was like that torwards me bebore we broke up, and come on, it's the talk of the whole school."
"Yeah well it's not going to happen" I say
"Sure it won't" she rolls her eyes and walks away.
"Ugh! I wanna snap her little neck!" Heather slams her locker
"Be my guest"
After school,I catch up with Ashton.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask, putting my hand on his forearm to stop him.
"I'm fine..." He yanks his arm away
"Ashton! Are you coming?!?" Brian yells
"I'll– talk to you later... See ya" he sighs, running up to Brian's car
Later that night I went over to Ashton's, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to see what was wrong.
"Ashton, hey, what's wrong?" I ask as he lets me in.
"I know you're lying, just tell the truth"
"I told you! It's nothing!" He huffs
"Then why make such a big deal about it?" I ask
"I'm not! It's you who keeps pestering me about it!"
"Well maybe if you wouldn't give me the cold shoulder I would fucking stop "pestering" you!"
"Fine! You know what's fucking wrong?!? That the girl I actually love, the girl that I can't get out of my head, the girl that drives me insane... Doesn't even fucking love me! She doesn't even love me back! And I tell her I love her but she can't even say it back because she can't even pretend to love me!"
"You're upset because I won't say I L–it back to you?!?"
"Well do you?" He asks
For a moment it's silent.
"Exactly! You don't have the same feelings as I do for you! Why even t-"
"I never said I don't have the same feelings for you! I-I just don't know!"
"You don't know what?!? If I'm fucking good enough? If I'm just another guy to sleep around with? Because that's fucking fucked up if this were part of some devious plan just to hurt me! Because I know our long history of hatred but I didn't think it would go this far!"
"No! I don't fucking know if I fucking love you! Because I'm afraid that if I do, eventually you'll get sick and tired of me and you'll just be over with me and I'll be stuck here, heart broken! I don't want a love that won't last! I don't want to hurt anymore! I don't want people to keep leaving me in my life! I'm sick and tired of everyone I care about leaving and finding new people; leaving me out into the distance making me slowly turn invisible again!"
By now I'm sobbing, I must look like a mess...
"But can't you see?!? I don't just fucking love you! I'm in love with you! Carter, you make my heart beat fast whenever your presence is around me! You make my stomach feel like it's been kicked so many times —even though in first grade you did kick my stomach like 120 times— you've actually made me feel nervous! I love you and I don't think that'll ever go away! Ever!"
"Don't you see! Once I say those three words, everything changes! My whole life, my whole future! Everything! I don't know if I'm ready for change!" I scream
"I-" love you too.
"I have to go" I run out of his house, sobbing as if it were a teenage romance novel.
Well shit... I just blew it I think...
When I get home, I run into my room.
Delilah comforts me, even though I haven't told her what has happened... I assume she thinks Ashton and I broke up...
I'm not even sure if he and I broke up...