Voices in my head were telling me to stop, but I couldn't, wouldn't. Not only because it felt nice, but because I could feel Jake's eyes on my back. I knew he was watching.

Is that so bad?

Is it so terrible for me to want to make Jake feel as bad as I do?

Does it make me a bad person?

Urgh whatever. Now is not the time to be questioning my morals. I heard footsteps approaching us and I tried to ignore them. I knew it was Jake and Tiffany the whore. The minute they passed us, Tiffany the whore spat out the word "Slut". I think we all knew she was referring to me. But why?

After they were out of sight, I pulled away from Blake's lips. He was a good kisser, and it felt nice...but there was something missing. I want to kiss a guy and feel a ...pull? towards him. You know that feeling you get when you hear your crush's name, or when the guy you're madly in love with talks to you for the first time, or when your hands brush and there's that feeling as if electricity is flowing through you, or like you can't seem to catch your breath, or you suddenly feel light headed?

That's what I want to feel when I kiss a guy. And I know that if Jake and I kissed, I would feel it, because whenever I hear his name, my face suddenly becomes hot, or whenever I see him with another girl, I feel like dying...

And the further away he keeps getting away from me, I feel like I need him more and more...I can't explain it, but I'll try to, for my own sanity. I fell like there are invisible strings which keep pulling me towards Jake, but whenever I get close to him, it's as if I'm a magnet and I repel him away.

My love for him is growing in leaps and bounds. Just seeing him with another girl is enough to tear me apart. They could be discussing homework for all I care. But the fact still remains he's not discussing it with me. I can feel him drifting away, and I don't know how to stop him, and it hurts.

I need to get away from this place, I need to breathe.

"Earth to Aqua..?" Blake says, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Huh? What?" I say.

I seriously need to stop spacing out.

"You seriously need to stop zoning out on me..."

"Yeah..." I say, realizing I do it a lot.

"Ow come on! My kissing ain't that bad!"


"You're crying" he says, gently rubbing my cheek.

It's only then that I realize how moist my face is.

"Sorry...I was just thinking..." I say, feeling embarrassed.

"Let's get to class; break was over like 10mins ago"

"Ok, I wanna go wash my face in the bathroom first, walk me?"

"Sure, and being the gentleman I am, I'll even wait for you."

"Hurry up, or I'm coming in to get ya" Blake said, wagging his eyebrows.

Gentleman my ass.

I walked into the bathroom, and went and stood by the mirror. I looked at my reflection, and looked at myself, really looked. Who am I? I can't recognize myself, I look grey, literally. My face is not it's usually creamy-faced complexion. I look as if I'm a ghost, wandering the halls of high school aimlessly. I wonder what people see when they look at me. What if I'm disappearing? What if I'm suddenly going to be invisible?

Times like these I wish I had a razor..

Wait a sec...I still had Blake's hoody on. Surely he kept a pocket knife somewhere in here?

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