Pregnant Little Liars

Her Mind is a Scary Place

*Spencer's POV*

I open the back door of my old house, and collapse onto the couch. Tears of sorrow, pain, betrayal, hopelessness, and hate fall from my eyes. I hope that this is all a dream. I hope that any day now I can wake up and be back in my bed with Toby, all snuggled up. I hope I can get awoken to the birds chirping and the sunlight streaming through the windows. I long to feel the intense kicks of the six happy feet belonging to my precious babies, still alive and growing inside of me.

"Wake up!" I scream into the couch. "Wake up!" I'm living in a nightmare that I can't escape from, and I'm dying inside. I pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. Nothing happens. I pinch again a little harder. Nothing. I try once more, pinching so hard. I hope that my skin will split open and blood will drip onto the white couch. I can't take much more of this! I can't keep living like this! I need to escape!

*Toby's POV*

I don't even know where to start looking for Spencer. I try the brew first, because Spencer always needs caffeine when she is feeling down. No luck. Then I try the library, because I know that she likes to distract herself by reading. No luck there either. Suddenly a horrible thought comes to mind. What if she left to get revenge on Emily? I try to call Emily, but there is no answer. I step on the gas, and speed to Emily's house.

Paige answers the door.

"Toby, what are you doing here?" she asks. Paige has been staying with Emily ever since she found out that Emily was pregnant. Emily's mom is in Texas with Emily's dad, so Paige decided to stay and keep her company. With A being the father of Emily's baby, there's no telling what he will do to keep Emily and her child close to him. Emily needs someone to watch over her constantly.

"Is Emily here?" I ask. Paige nods.

"I'll go get her. You can step inside." she says ushering me inside. Paige disappears up the stairs, but comes back moments later.

"Emily doesn't want to see you right now." Paige says frowning. "She doesn't want to complicate things with you and Spencer any more then she already has. Whatever that's supposed to mean."

"No please! You don't understand! Spencer is missing!" I cry. Tears flood my eyes. Just then Emily appears at the top of the stairs. She carefully comes downstairs, but tries to avoid eye contact with me.

"Spencer's missing?" she questions a bit in shock. I nod. The tears that threatened to fall, are now running freely down my face.

"I-I found this text from A on her phone." I stammer, pulling it out and showing it to Emily. She gasps.

"That's why she sent me that." Emily says under her breath.

"Sent you what?" I ask.

"This." Emily says pulling out her phone. Spencer texted:

I hate you! You are a stupid, fugly, slutty, backstabbing, bitch! Feel free to run away with Toby and get the hell out of my life!

"That's why you left so suddenly!" I say realizing what happened. Emily looks down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do." She says. I shake my head.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about." I say reassuringly. "I was the one that made all this happen. I was the one that agreed to meet you without telling Spencer. I was the one that lied to her, and I was the one that kissed you! You did nothing wrong. I was the one that dragged you into this hot mess. I'm the one that's sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"Hold up, what?" Paige asks, trying to piece the information together.

Emily gives a half smile. "It's okay, but enough about what happened in the past, we have to focus on what's happening now! We need to find Spencer!" She says dragging me out the door.

*Spencer's POV*

Why am I here? I think to myself. My parents don't want me. They hate me. Melissa is more important than me. They don't give a damn about what happens to me, yet they travel all the way across the state for Melissa. Toby doesn't care. I thought he did, but he obviously didn't. He chose my gay friend over his pregnant girlfriend. Emily doesn't care about me either. She took Toby away from me. All the time I thought I she was coming over to hang out with me, turns out she just wanted to hook up with Toby.

Why am I even here? Why am I still here? Why am I living in hell, while all my friends are living the dream. Could my life get any worse? I can't keep living like this. I strain every muscle in my body to gather enough strength to get off the couch. I wander into the kitchen, and grab the sharpest knife possible. I hold it in my shaking hand. I stumble up the stairs, and into my old bedroom. I scream and sob hysterically on my bed. I glance at the knife in my hand. I need to relieve some pain. Just then a text comes through. I hold the knife with trembling fingers. I take a deep breath, and drag the blade across my left wrist. Blood drips down, and I watch it slide down my hand, like the tears falling down my cheeks. I can't feel it. I can't feel the pain. I need to feel pain other then the pain inside of me. I try again, cutting deeper this time. More blood pools, and I feel a sting as sharp as a mosquito bite. I scream in frustration and agony.

"Why can't I feel anything?" I scream. I chuck the knife across the room, and it clatters to the floor, still stained with my blood. I collapse into a ball on my bed, and hold my wounded wrist. I cry like a baby. A baby I will never have. I cry as though I've lost someone forever, Toby. I cry as if I'm a little kid lost in the grocery store. I'm lost in this world. Just then a text comes through Melissa's old phone that lays on the bedside table next to me.

One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four. Come on Spence, what's one more?
-A

I scream again. A is ruining my life! I chuck the phone across the room. It hits the wall, and smashes into a million pieces. I cry until there are no tears left. I close my eyes and imagine a life without A, a life without pain. The more I think about a life without pain, the more I long to go there. I need to feel happy, and I can't have that here. I nees to leave, not for a short time, not for a vacation. No, I need to leave, forever.

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Hello guys! I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a long time. We were having technical issues, but I am back now, and I will try to post more frequently!

Also I just wanted to point out that cutting yourself, suicide, or self harming us not an option. The reason I wrote this chapter because I just recently list a close friend to suicide. If any of you are feeling so low that you are considering taking your own life life, please I'm begging you, please tell someone, please! Everyone deserves to live their life to the fullest. No one deserves to die. Each and every person us unique and special in a million ways, trust me. Suicide is not an option. For those of you struggling with depression, Stay Strong. You are loved by many 💞
-K