Chapter 10

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When we got back to the house, we went striaght upstairs. I sat on the air bed and plugged my phone into charge.

"You're really quiet, Im sorry about that earlier. Its just, They can be total dicks" He said.
"But why would you kiss me?" I ask.
"Just to get them to leave. I dont care if by school everyone knows"
"But...they might think we're together"  I laugh.
"I'll explain all to them, it doesnt matter but by the way, You're a good kisser" He winks.

*
It hit 11pm and me and James sat watching yet another film. I sat starring up at the t.v on the wall. My neck ached. I moved around a bit but nothing working. I stood up and stretched.
"What the fuck are you doing?" James laughs.
"Stretching" I say, with that serious look on my face.
"Well come sit up here then" James says as he moves over.

I give in and go sit on his bed with him. I sit crossed legged and he sits with his knees to his chin.
"Do you wanna meet up with Libby and Josh tomorrow?" I ask.
"Josh Brighton?"
"Yeah and Lbby, we can all go riding or something?"
"Yeah that sounds sick, nice one" He smiled.  I smiled back. I grabbed my phone.

Text to Libby:
Still up for meeting us tomorrow?xx
Text from Libby:
Yes obvsly. Meet you at the bridge;)xox
*

I was slowly becoming more tired and felt myself falling alseep but i knew i couldnt so i ask James if he had any energy drinks. He passed me one and in miunues it was gone.
"I can get you another if you want one?" James jokes.
"No its fine".

I felt the awkwardness building up every minute of the night. I kept thinking about him, looking at him. I know i like him but I cant. It would be wrong. It would get me hurt. 

"So James can i ask you a question?"
"Sure" He turns to me.
"Are you a virgin?"
"No, no im not, i was drunk and it just happened to be bitch of the school that i got into bed with" He looked down.

"Why are you so secretive and quiet?" He suddenly asks.

I look away. I try to hold back the tears.
"Wheres your bathroom?" I ask, Still not looking at him.
"Out and to the left, why whats wrong?"

I get up and walk out of his room, I go into the bathroom and lock the door quietly as his sister is asleep in the other room.  I place my head in my hands and cry. I want to tell him, but i cant. I sit on the floor starring at the wall infront. Pictures on the beach are placed all around.

"Ocean, You alright?" James whispers. I dont reply. "Ocean" He says again. I shuffle slightly to the door and unlock it. I shuffle back again and wait for him to enter. I suddenly then see the door handle turn and soon, He's in the bathroom with me, sitting infront of me.

"Im sorry i asked. I didnt mean to make you upset" He says.
"Could you get my bag for me? I'll get changed and maybe we can talk" I say. He stands up and leaves. But soon after he drops his bag through the door and shuts it. I hear him go into his bedroom.
I get out my long top and shorts and change. You cant see my shorts as my top comes down to just above my knees. I place everything into my bag and walk out of the bathroom.

"Hey" I say awkwardly as i step into his room, shutting the door behind me.
"Hey, I like your top" He says. I drop my bag down.
"Thanks, I have shorts on underneath by the way" I walk slowly over to the bed and sit opposite him.
"Sorry, I didnt mean to-"
"No, Its fine, its me, You were'nt to know anything" I interrupt. 

It goes silent for a matter of minutes but it feels like hours. James checking his phone and texting every second. I sat just doing nothing. Looking at him mainly. He looks up suddenly but i quickly look away.

"Ocean?" He starts.  I look at him.  "Ocean I really...I really like you and-"
"James, please dont go on anymore. I know you dont like me, I know this is all fake. I know"
"No Ocean, You obviosuly dont know" He says. He leans forward but i dont find myself leaning back, instead i go forward too and give in. I kiss him. We kiss again.
But i pull back.

"No, This isnt right"
"Why?" He says before trying to kiss me again. I move off the bed altogether.
"No, just dont" I say. He stands up and walks over to me, he grabs my hands.
"Why are you scared, im not going to hurt you".

I was told that two years ago...

"James get off me please" I say. He looks into my eyes. He sees the fear.
He steps back. He goes over to his bed and sits down. He puts his head in his hands.

"James" I say. He looks up.
"Im sorry, I just...Like you so much and..."
I walk over to him and sit next to him. I take his hand.
"Its not your fault" I start. He looks at me, confused.

"I just panic, i get I havent been like this with anyone for a while" I say.
It was the truth, but not the whole truth.

*
It was 3 in the morning and we decided to get some sleep.
I lay on the air bed and James lays on his bed.
"Night Ocean" I hear.

I smile.
"Night James"








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