The Comeback

Chapter 38 - Without Her

Chapter 38 - Without Her

“Ready to go?” Louis asks once Liam is in his deepest sleep. I turn around to meet the carrier and smile.

“Almost,” I say and he frowns. “I’m leaving, I swear I am… I just… feel something is going to happen. I finished here but there’s something else. I know I’m done but I dunno, it’s hard to explain,” I try to tell him but he folds his arms. “Three days. Give me three days,” I ask and this time Louis arches an eyebrow.

Of course he’s impressed. In all this time I’ve never given him a date or an exact period of time, so this is the first time. I can’t tell why I feel there’s something else, something that is not exactly about me but that I can’t miss. Something important that in a way affects me but not directly.

I have no idea where this feeling is coming from but I won’t ignore it.

“Three days may be too late,” he reminds me and I sigh.

“I know,” I reply and his expression is even more surprised. “But what the hell? I’m already doing this, better finish it, right? And I have hope this will be finished and closed in three days and if it’s not, then I allow you to drag me to wherever we have to go.”

Louis smiles at me, kind of pleased that we’re almost done here. I’m tired, I guess… now that I see that leaving is so close I don’t really know what to expect. Where am I going to be sent? Will I like it? What’s going to happen next?

I guess I’m a bit scared. But isn’t that normal? Maybe that’s why I feel like I have to stay a bit longer, just because I’m terrified, because I don’t want to face whatever that is coming. But no, there’s something else. When Cassie looked at Liam today, the way she held the letter. I saw something, something that Liam missed and that wasn't clear, but I know her. She is probably right now thinking long and hard, sorting her own feelings out. I know she loves me and maybe a part of her will always love me, but I’m sure she also loves Liam. In a very different way. She just needs to come to terms with all this, once and for all. It can’t be easy, I know I still have problems with it and I’m the one that’s gone.

“Deal,” Louis speaks pulling me back from my thoughts and I sigh. I just hope that whatever that has to happen takes place soon. I don’t want to miss it.

+ + + + +

Waking up is being a weird thing lately. Since I realised Jake was with me. And even from before. Since I woke up from the coma. It’s weird because so many things have been happening, my life has been turned upside-down and so many things have changed. I have changed. I feel overwhelmed the moment I open my eyes and I remember all the events that are taking place in my life.

So many things have changed.

I realised life and death are so different from what I thought. I learnt that there’s a whole world no one knows of and I can’t even begin to understand. I even learnt about carriers and I never imagined those kind of beings would exist.

I learnt to appreciate life and live the moment carefully, fully.

I fell in love… even if that didn’t turn out right. Even if she is still in love with Jake and can’t love me back. I hope… I hope one day she’ll let go of Jake’s memory and actually give herself a chance to be happy with someone else. I wish that person would be me, but I don’t think we have a chance anymore. Not after all that has happened between us, not after I had Jake inside of me.

Okay, not Jake, his soul.

That still sounds creepy.

“Ugh,” I groan as I try to roll over the bed and ignore the world, but I can’t do that, can I?