*Psst* Notice anything different? 👀 Find out more about Wattpad's new look!

Learn More

Twilight Jokes.

23.3K 191 64

The other day I posted a quotes page on Twilight, and I know there are a lot of Twi-hards and Twi-haters on here, so to even it out, I've decided to post a jokes page, hope you enjoy :)

Q.How do you weaken Edward?

A. You take away his hair gel.

Q: How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?

A: I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen.  

Q: What do Edward and a Christmas tree have in common?

A: Their Balls Are For Decoration - I'm sorry but who ever came up with this is a LEGEND! xD

Q: Why can't Edward read Bella's mind?

A: There's nothing to read.

Q: Where do the Cullens go for an all day buffet?

A: The Zoo

Q: How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?

A: You pick up a stick, throw it and yell 'fetch'!

Bella: I know what you are. Edward: Say it, out loud. Bella: Gay - I could imagine her saying this in my mind... xDxD

The only good thing about Edward Cullen is that there is only one!

How do you irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!

Next few are from Jacob to Rosalie in Breaking Dawn, have to say I loved Jacob for these jokes xD

"You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? - Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool."

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? - a golden retriever." - I used this on my old friend, she chased me around a table... but then fell over a chair that was blatantly in front of her... talk about proving something right in the funniest way possible xD

"S'not so hard to erase a blonde's memory - Just blow in her ear."

" How do a blonde's brain cells die? Alone."

An Intelligent Twilight Fan, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and Santa find $10 on the ground. Who gets it first?
No-one because none of them exist! This one made me laugh xD

The alternative name for Twilight: 108 year old virgin - xDxD

Surprisingly... there wasn't many Twilight hating jokes, they were all repeated on different sites I looked on, the Twi-Hard nerds probably tracked them down at destroyed them all... -_- Anyway, keep requesting and hope you enjoyed! :D 

Awesome Quotes, Comebacks, and Insults!Read this story for FREE!