#1 of THE E L I T E Series
"No one ever said being apart of a powerful group of rich people was easy,"
*Warning, this is triggering and does include self harm, read at your own risk*
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It was going to be over soon.
The pain.
It was going to be over soon. No more tears, no more cuts, no more Kingston. Just freedom. Liberty.
I dropped the hand mirror onto the ground as I submerged into the warm water, the weight of the stress and pain already being lifted off my shoulders. No one would know. Nor would they care. I was just a pretty face amongst others, only standing out because of money, or fame, or something else that's petty or stupid.
Soon after, darkness took over me, and nothing could be seen. The feeling of my lungs filling with water overwhelmed me, but it always did. This must've been my fifth attempt. Clearly no one was getting the message that I wanted to be let go.
Life clearly wasn't for me; my therapist told me the same thing every week and nothing worked, the people around me said the same thing and nothing worked. So what's the point now. Why not just let go? Give up.
The pain will be gone soon enough.
*** I woke up in a hospital bed. The potent smell of detergent invading my nostrils as my eyes adjusted to the bright lights.
"I-I think she's awake. Veronica darling, Katie's awake," I heard my father say, probably trying to catch my mum's attention whilst her eyes were glued to her phone.
"The press don't know we're here, tomorrow night can still be a surprise," she smiled, locking her phone screen and squeezing my hand.
My father chuckled incredulously as he held my chin. He'd always been the laid back, chill kind of dad, never worrying about what the press thought, never worrying about minor issues like; my mother's dress not fitting, or that I'd eaten McDonald's twice in one day. He was chill.
"Nice to see you too mother," I made an attempt to sit up, holding onto my father's knee to help me, "how are you daddy?" I grunted.
"I'm fine princess. How are you?" he gave me a warm smile.
"Not so great," he nodded slowly, his frown lines that held years of stress and anger revealing as he observed the environment around us.
We were in a private room. The fake Van Gogh painting on the wall across from mine and the other walls that were adorned with health posters and leaflets, made the room seem cluttered. Too much was going on. One poster was talking about HIV, and the other was talking about Cancer. It was all too gloomy and depressing. But it's a hospital, gloomy and depressing things went on all the time. What was I expecting?
A water dispenser stood silently in the corner, water dripping out of it every now and then, preventing the room from being silent. The chestnut brown ceiling fan held me in a trance as I stared at it in deep thought.
I didn't die.
For some reason I didn't die and they saved me. The people that killed me on a daily basis had saved me. The people that told me that it was going to be ok, the people that had lied to me for years on end, had saved me. And I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be in pain, yet I still was.
"Katie, the doctor said if you woke up today, you could still make the gala tomorrow," my mum rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand, a rare look of sincerity on her face.
I scoffed and snatched my hand away, turning to look at the window. She clearly didn't care about how I was doing and how I was going to move forward without any episodes. She didn't care at all.
"You have to take at least two of your pills before making your appearance and make sure to take them with water," she continued, "oh and Maria has kindly offered to get her husband to drive you to the gala, Henry is ill and-"
"I'm not going," I interrupted her speaking.
She stared at me in pure shock and disbelief. She stared at me as if I'd just told her I wanted to shave my hair off and live with the animals.
"Excuse me?"
My dad put his hand on my mum's knee, as if to calm her down.
"I'm. Not. Going," I said through gritted teeth. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife, the nervous smile on my father's face faltering.
"You most certainly are,"
"Daddy..." I looked over at him for help, but he just sighed.
"She just wants what's best for you,"
I scoffed, "And what's best for me is to go to a stupid gala instead of getting some rest after trying to drown myself,"
"Well maybe if you read the Rule Of A Lady book I gave you,we wouldn't be here right now," my mother countered. I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair, groaning as I realised how much of a wash it needed.
"I read the bloody book ok?!" I looked at her, "and it was stupid. It made some valid points at times but some of them didn't even apply to me,"
"Trust me Katie, they all applied to you. Rule number one is 'Do not give up. The beginning is always hardest',"I rolled my eyes, "this is only the beginning Katie. Whether you like it or not,"
"She's making a good point princess," my father spoke as he stroked my hair, "this is only the beginning. You can't give up now, there's so much you can do in life and your depression won't hold you back. Because you won't let it hold you back," he raises a brow, "am I clear Miss Darlington?"
"Yes," I sighed.
He was right.
This was only the beginning.
What could possibly go wrong?
*** Thanks for reading Queens! (Or Kings which ever you prefer)
