Chapter 2 - Isabelle

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Dear Miranda,

So, I know you've been wanting to hear from me, and after days of drowning in the Bible sprinkled with constant meditation, I'm proud to say that I can finally get these words out to you.

You were right.

I should have gone with what I felt – intuition never lies. I knew this was bigger than I thought but honestly, I don't think my heart cared. It's too late now, right?

As I sit here awaiting my trail, I have a favor I would like to ask you to help with. And, please take it seriously because it comes from a place deep within my soul.

Can you go to his hospital room, whisper in his ear "you deserve this shit" and then pull his plug? You would be doing the world justice. Finishing up what I couldn't do. Saving another good woman from playing the role of trusting, clueless trophy in another selfish-ass, egotistical dog. You would be praised as a real life Superwoman!

Petty? Probably. But, it's the truth. Oh, and God bless his poor wife. I don't know if she knew about everything, but don't waste your time trying to update her. I'm sure, just like me, she knew something was up. We always do but why do we let these fools play us?

You probably have the answer, sis. You always know what it is. You should probably write a book or give seminars and I have a great title for them- Intuition: How to Read Between the Bullshit". Go for it!

Anyway, I miss you. Hopefully, the judge will take it a little easy once she hears the full story. But in case she doesn't, I hope you know that I love you and I'm sorry for only listening to and not hearing you. I hear you know. It's look-up time, so....

Love, Issa

P.S. If you do see his wife, tell her she doesn't have to thank me.

A MONTH EARLIER...

Love can be a bitch. You know that kind that looks so cute and cuddly from a far but as soon as you come to give it a pet, it snaps at you. That's me and Damion's love. He's amazing and fine as hell but as soon as I go in to get close he pushes me away and shuts down. I don't understand it but I haven't understood it for our entire relationship. A real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Okay, maybe I do understand it a little. He has major trust issues and after being traumatized at a young age, he just hasn't been the same. See his father died from an overdose in his arms and I was there with him.

His father began convulsing and then he fell limp. Heavier than a sack of bricks, but Damion wouldn't let go. Even at 16 with his young strength, weighing 160 and lifting almost double his weight, holding his father's lifeless body was almost impossible.

I called 911, but they didn't make it in time. So, I had to sit there and watch as my homie, my first love, my heart, broke in half as he watched his father pass in his arms. It was gruesome. His father's amber-green eyes rolled back in his head. Damion inherited those same eyes.

He tried to resuscitate him. He banged on his chest as hard as he could for as long as he could. But, nothing changed. I yelled at the 911 dispatcher to get some help, but he was helpless. His father's light was gone, and darkness entered the room. I had no clue where his soul would go. He lived a dark life from time to time, but it was gone from the house and I think--no I know--it took a piece of Damion's soul with it too.

Ambulances didn't matter; Police kicking in the door didn't matter; Nothing mattered because they couldn't save him. And by him, I meant Damion. He was now the man of the house with responsibilities he never thought he would never have to do at such an early age. But, he did them. He stood up and led his family to financial stability by working two and three jobs at a time. Then, he pushed himself harder, further, driving him to the successful job he has today.

I love that about him; His drive to keep going through it all. He's dedicated to his family, filling a void that Dad couldn't. Unfortunately, the tragedy did little for his emotional stability, which translated into a rocky road for our love.

Our puppy love was nothing short of a fairy tale, but the story ended soon after his Dad passed. It twisted into a tumultuous cycle of love, lust, mistrust and rebounds. His pain turned his heart cold and he disconnected himself me. He started moving much like his father did when he was on and off of drugs.

His dad was the definition of a rolling stone. Kids he didn't know in this city or that state. It was beginning to look like D was going to follow right in his footsteps. Lucky for him, I was a crazy bitch and refused to let him too far out of my site. He dabbled but that was all. I think I really got to him, when I told him he was just like his Daddy-O. But, that was bad timing. I said it when he had that bitch beater juice in him so he tried to choke me out. Good thing is snapped out of it just in time before all the air left my body. It scared him, and me too.

But how can the kettle call the pot black? I've made some bad decisions along the way. I've broken his heart a few times just as he has broken mine.

Then like the sunrise, we rise again for a new day. Our love is unmatched and unbreakable. No matter how mad we are at each other, we know where home is – in our hearts. We might as well just take that next step...marriage. But, I think we still need more time.

Funny things is he talks about it all the time, but I'm not totally convinced it's what he really wants. I'm not sure if it's what I really want some days. I'm not sure a wife is who I want to be. I just want to be his soulmate. I can be that without any title.

Besides our trials and tribulations, there are still other factors that keep marriage at a distance. He travels too much and I still have desires for other men. I've gotten better and the urges are subsiding, but they're still there. I think he's still dabbling too.

One time, I even caught him with a girl in his car and I went nuts. Banging on the window. Kicking at the door. I even swung on him a couple of times. I laid her out cold, but for the record I felt bad afterward. She had no clue that he was fucking with a crazy bitch like myself. I couldn't help it. I'm crazy over him. That's bae all day.

Through the great time and horrible ones too, we've made it this far which pretty much makes us unstoppable. Our hearts are one. We dream of the same future family. And the sex. My mandingo warrior is rare and he reminds me about it every time he has a chance. I belong to him and he belongs to me. Always and forever.

,

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