Impossible to love you, but I do

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Impossible to love you, but I do.

© Amanda Macdonald

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It was the end of the school day, Thursday, last period. Staring up at the clock on the wall in front of me, counting down the last remaining seconds until the bell would go off.

3...2...1

'And there it goes,' I mentally thought to myself. 'Only one more day...'

I packed up my things, and went to my locker. I said goodbye to my many friends, walked home, walked up the few steps to my house, up the stairs, dropping my bag, flopping on my comfortable bed. Daily routine, as it has been for years.

I sat there for a few minutes, on my back, and then let my mind slowly drifted into its daydreaming, thinking mode.

I started thinking about how the day had gone about.

Although I am considered 'popular' in my school, the one that every boy thought he loved, the one that every girl envied, I never, ever let them come home with me. Even any of my many boyfriends. No one would even step foot in my property, much less my room. I refused, not only because of my annoying, wealthy family -although that was a big part of it- but mostly because I just didn't want anyone to intrude on my private space. The one place where I could think without annoying preppy dumb blondes or pervert boyfriends.

I usually just walk up to my room, and stay there until dinner, coming back up after the much neglected dishes were done, avoiding my consistently manicured hands.

Like I had said; daily routine.

Because I am considered 'popular' in my grade -well... actually, in the whole school, but that's beside the point - I had joined the cliché groups that the populars would join, such as cheerleading team, even dance and volleyball, but because I had, I had switched things up a bit. I know that sounds bossy and arrogant, being at the top, taking advantage of these things I just get, without even an ounce of effort on my part, but it's not, really.

For instance, I switched the cheerleading from the slutty, preppy stuff you usually find in music videos or something done by someone like Kesha or Lady GaGa. I switched it to something much more like gymnastics and something that doesn't involve short shorts and guys drooling the whole time. ALTHOUGH, I am ALL for the short shorts.

I am also very smart. Actually the smarted in most of my classes. I get high 90's in English and math, and VERY much enjoy Science and Chemistry.

Not only do my teacher's love me for this, but apparently guys think it's hot to have not only a sexy girl, but a smart one, too!

I am very skinny as well, I will admit. Not the disgusting anorexia type; I can honestly say I have NEVER made myself intentionally puke up my food, and I would like to keep it this way. I am just naturally thin, and I thank god every single day for this wonderful gift.

Not only am I slim, but I also have very long wavy light brown hair with natural blond peaking streaks. The kind of hair you find models with, shortly after getting their full hair and makeup finished.

But I never have to do anything. Just blow-dry it, and I'm off.

I also have gorgeous dark brown eyes with gold irises, and long eyelashes, which never need me to apply mascara.

I am an incredible singer, I have been told, and I have been dancing and modeling since the age of three.

I have a beautifully clear face, and I proudly get it from my mother.

I know what you are thinking, though. I am the perfect dictionary result of a preppy, popular high school girl; I realise that. But really; I'm anything but. I may look like something that you would find in one of my modeling catalogues, but I actually act more like a tom-boy, and I could care less what people think of me.

I am proud to say, I have more true guy friends than girl friends, I talk with and am friends with the special needs kinds, and do volunteer work almost every weekend. I LOVE children, and hope to have some one day. And not with the pervert, player type guys on the football team found in my school. I mean a real man, one who holds the door for you, and tells you you look gorgeous when you're having a bad hair day. Someone who truly LOVES me.

And this just so happens to be the best athlete in school, Austin, who, just so happens to be exactly like me. He's smart, funny, great looking, is friends with everyone and anyone, and unfortunately for me, despite what everyone tells him, he hates me. And I mean despises with a passion, never giving me a second glace in the halls. And I don't understand why.

But tomorrow, I promised myself, I was going to find out.