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I didn't want to get out of bed today. I mean, that was my normal, but I seriously did not want to leave my mattress and my incredibly warm blankets that don't even belong to me. Leslie bunked with me last night, and I guess it made sense at the time because we were staying in a hotel and they only had one room and two beds. Luke and Ashton were complaining the entire time that they had to share since "Luke kicks in his sleep and is so ungodly annoying," and Ashton would just shut him out by giving him the hand.  They're immature I tell you, but still my favorite band. I wish I could just come clean about it all.

Leslie was playing with my hair. I really needed to dye it again, but I didn't think that Michael would approve of changing something that didn't belong to me. I am in his body so I should be able to do what I want, but it still feels wrong. Everything else is off and it feels unreal -- like maybe this is some sort of twisted dream and it's going to make me want to wake up with amnesia. Ha. What a terrible pun.

I wanted to continue to sleep, to continue to dream about being in my own body again. I always wondered what it was like to be famous but this? This is nothing out of the ordinary. People wouldn't believe it even if I wrote a book on it. Anyway, sleep, yeah, I couldn't do that. Leslie's phone was going off and her ringtone of "if it wasn't for this music I don't know how I would have fought this, regardless, all these songs I'm hearing are so heartless, don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless, honest," would play louder than I would have liked, and we'd all be shooting up out of our hotel beds and throwing on clothes that didn't even fit the way we wanted to look. It was Andy again. The man who just knows how to make me boil and crack.

"Fans are throwing a hissy fit about Meslie or whatever the fuck it is," Andy would growl, and Leslie and I would roll our eyes. I meant it. I mean, imagine this heartless throb headlining me holding hands with Calum Hood -- I can imagine, right? Just have to make my move on myself and it might work out. I don't really know much about love if you haven't noticed.

"So? We're giving them what they want. A ship. They can write all of the fanfiction they want now," Leslie would comment, and I'd just hum. If only she knew that only about 40% of the fandom do that. Life In Motion is known more for the gay rather than the straight. New stupid ass motto.

"Idiots," said Andy through the speaker. We could hear him chewing on something like bread. Maybe a bagel. "We need a PR stunt. Why don't you, Michael, start dating someone a little bit out of your league and a little bit out of your limit?"

"Pretty much the same thing," I answered with a yawn, and it was like I could hear him rolling his eyes. He's a terrible manager. We should really fire him already. "Look, I can date whoever the fuck I want. PR stunts aren't my thing, and you aren't either."

"That joke of yours is going to give you a bad rep."

"Like I care."

Andy would angrily hang up the phone, while Luke would give me a high-five and Ashton would glance at me as if he was ashamed. "What's gotten into you lately? You're just not the same person we've been touring with."

"I'm better than I used to be, duh."

"Maybe it's your medication?" Leslie suggested, and I rolled my eyes again. I didn't even know Michael was on medication? Clearly, I didn't stalk him enough. "I haven't been taking my meds."

"What a genius you are, that's going to get you killed."

What are they talking about? I didn't really want to know. . . or did I?

"I'm sorry," I frowned, and they gave into it. I was used to this happening in my body, but not in Michaels. This would take a lot of getting used to in my opinion. "I'll start taking them again. I just -- my heads in another place, literally. . and I can't seem to get back to it."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I'm entirely another person, like I'm not Michael Clifford." I was hoping they'd get the hint. They didn't.

"We all lose ourselves sometimes," Leslie would say, and I'd sigh into her shoulders. I really need to dye his - my hair again.


"Andy is on my ass about the new album," Luke mentioned, and he'd whine when Ashton would slap him on the arm just before staring up at the ceiling and yelling hey, don't swear!

Yet he does it all the time. I never understood that. But it's cute.

"Anyone have anything new? Or at least a song title to get him off my case?"

"Actually," I pitched in, knowing that this wasn't the best idea. It was worth a shot, but it's a very bad idea. "I've been writing this song lately about how I feel. . . and it's uh, it's called Invisible."

Yeah, by Calum Hood. But Michael can take it, he deserves to be credited for something so amazing. "And I have this other one I'm working on too. Girl Who Cried Wolf. They're pretty sad. . so you might not even want them on the soundtrack."

"Why wouldn't we? Emotions are what make an album great."

"I guess."

I hope Michael will thank me for this.

"But wait -- you're not saying you feel invisible, do you?"

"I just want the old me back, because the new me doesn't seem to be acknowledged enough."

I was in tears after that. I'm not even sure why that is. But I was, and they were all comforting me and Andy was pissed that we were late, but I guess that's what being famous is all about.




What the actual fuck is this book lmao?? It's a joke compared to my others bc it's so badly written but that's kinda the point. Haha. Ily guys. Thanks for reading such a shitty book 😂😂

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