Chp41. "I couldn't control myself"


Dedicated to- ShaelynKelly for her lovely comment!


- Austin's Point Of View -

If you ask me what I'm doing I wouldn't be able to give out a straight answer. Simply because I didn't know what the hell I was doing myself. Yes, lately things have been certainty feeling that way. But as of right now you could say I was more than clueless. And even that would be an understatement.

"Austin... What are you doing?" Mia's voice was almost like a shriek. Almost.

"Relax." I breathed out. "Don't be so scared."

"I'm not scared!" She protested lowering her voice but yet I was still able to hear. Crossing her arms against her chest, Mia sunk to the seat of my range rover. She was acting like a little girl and yet I found that extremely adorable in a way.

I didn't bother in replying to that. I knew far too well that if I did we could possibly go on forever. One simple thing can cause Mia and I to argue for what can seem to be centuries. And no, I'm not talking about those harsh real arguments, I'm talking about those where you usually are trying to prove someone your point or statement. And I was right most of the time in ours. Or at least I thought I was. Of course, Mia being the kind of girl she is- she always wanted to be right. But not all things worked that way.

It's not usually good when you have two people who want to have the last word in almost every little single thing. I- being that type of guy I am, I must indeed have everything my way. At times I just had to just let Mia win in order to shut her up. That or either shutting her with an unexpected peck on the lips, I'm pretty sure she likes the second option a whole lot more though. And quite frankly I do too.

I tightened my hand around the steering wheel, not bothering if either it was too tight at all. Not taking my eyes off the road I couldn't help but to think what I had gotten myself into. I don't deal with these type of problems on the usual, and if I do. I make sure take care of them, once and for all. Now I'm not saying Mia is a problem, because she's surely not. In fact, far from that. But unfortunately the situation is, all of this certainly is. But I'd be lying if I said I've never wondered what exactly would have happened if I had just done what Riley had ordered me to do in the first place. Without looking back, without any hesitation, without any doubts. What would become of me? Where would I be doing now? Just how different things would really be?

I wasn't the type to care, I had stopped caring long ago. In my way of seeing things, the less you cared- the better. Because everything just simply gets better once you stop giving a fuck. Of course that isn't always the best advice to give out. You get people here and there telling you how to live your life. If you're doing things right or if you're doing things wrong. None of that shit matters though, just as long as you do what makes you happy. But what exactly is happiness when all you feel is nothing but pure emptiness inside? Emptiness that needs to be filled in order to feel whole once again. Everything was a blur for me to even figure out. Nothing was making sense in my head, I was going with the flow to see where it would take me. And so far I was enjoying it. For now that is.

"Austin." Mia's soft soothing voice had interrupted my train of thoughts in a quick sudden second. I replied with a small 'yeah?', wondering what she was going on about, except I had a feeling that I already knew.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." She says. My lips form into a straight thin line. I wish she would understand and just go along with it. Even though myself, didn't even know what was going on. At this point I was debating on turning this vehicle back around and taking her back home. But it was my selfish ways that wouldn't let me do just that.