Chp41. "I couldn't control myself"


Dedicated to- ShaelynKelly for her lovely comment!


- Austin's Point Of View -

If you ask me what I'm doing I wouldn't be able to give out a straight answer. Simply because I didn't know what the hell I was doing myself. Yes, lately things have been certainty feeling that way. But as of right now you could say I was more than clueless. And even that would be an understatement.

"Austin... What are you doing?" Mia's voice was almost like a shriek. Almost.

"Relax." I breathed out. "Don't be so scared."

"I'm not scared!" She protested lowering her voice but yet I was still able to hear. Crossing her arms against her chest, Mia sunk to the seat of my range rover. She was acting like a little girl and yet I found that extremely adorable in a way.

I didn't bother in replying to that. I knew far too well that if I did we could possibly go on forever. One simple thing can cause Mia and I to argue for what can seem to be centuries. And no, I'm not talking about those harsh real arguments, I'm talking about those where you usually are trying to prove someone your point or statement. And I was right most of the time in ours. Or at least I thought I was. Of course, Mia being the kind of girl she is- she always wanted to be right. But not all things worked that way.

It's not usually good when you have two people who want to have the last word in almost every little single thing. I- being that type of guy I am, I must indeed have everything my way. At times I just had to just let Mia win in order to shut her up. That or either shutting her with an unexpected peck on the lips, I'm pretty sure she likes the second option a whole lot more though. And quite frankly I do too.

I tightened my hand around the steering wheel, not bothering if either it was too tight at all. Not taking my eyes off the road I couldn't help but to think what I had gotten myself into. I don't deal with these type of problems on the usual, and if I do. I make sure take care of them, once and for all. Now I'm not saying Mia is a problem, because she's surely not. In fact, far from that. But unfortunately the situation is, all of this certainly is. But I'd be lying if I said I've never wondered what exactly would have happened if I had just done what Riley had ordered me to do in the first place. Without looking back, without any hesitation, without any doubts. What would become of me? Where would I be doing now? Just how different things would really be?

I wasn't the type to care, I had stopped caring long ago. In my way of seeing things, the less you cared- the better. Because everything just simply gets better once you stop giving a fuck. Of course that isn't always the best advice to give out. You get people here and there telling you how to live your life. If you're doing things right or if you're doing things wrong. None of that shit matters though, just as long as you do what makes you happy. But what exactly is happiness when all you feel is nothing but pure emptiness inside? Emptiness that needs to be filled in order to feel whole once again. Everything was a blur for me to even figure out. Nothing was making sense in my head, I was going with the flow to see where it would take me. And so far I was enjoying it. For now that is.

"Austin." Mia's soft soothing voice had interrupted my train of thoughts in a quick sudden second. I replied with a small 'yeah?', wondering what she was going on about, except I had a feeling that I already knew.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." She says. My lips form into a straight thin line. I wish she would understand and just go along with it. Even though myself, didn't even know what was going on. At this point I was debating on turning this vehicle back around and taking her back home. But it was my selfish ways that wouldn't let me do just that.

I didn't reply right away though. I didn't see the need to. I could tell just by her actions and her voice she didn't like where this was headed. But I knew what I was doing- I always do. "Don't you trust me?" I spoke in a hushed whisper right after a few moments later, catching Mia completely off guard.

She was hesitant to reply, either that or she just didn't want to. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't trust me. In all honesty, I don't trust myself either so I don't expect any other person to. I was a very hard person to figure out. I wasn't always straight forward with my moods or feelings- words? Yes. I never held back on my opinions. In my way of seeing things, opinions were meant to be said. Either way, I guess you can't really trust someone after they put you trough so much shit you clearly do not deserve. And I've always done that, far way too many times to far way too many people.

The silence however was soon meant to be broken by Mia's answer, something in which I wasn't expecting at all. "Yes." She had said. And to an even bigger surprise it wasn't a quiet hushed answer, but a loud fearless reply. Something that had brought a clear smile to my face.

We continued to drive along empty roads of loneliness. The darkness surrounding us and the only light we were getting was from the moon and the stars shinning brightly high up in the sky. It was a long drive to the destination, to somewhere I was sure Mia's reaction was going to be something... Indescribable. The vibe I was starting to get from her was showing me that she was just starting to recognize this place around. It may had been a while since, but this wasn't something to forget so easily. And right when the place was not far from view and Mia's eyes almost popped out, that was when I really started to hate myself for brining her here. And the worst part was, I didn't turn back around.

Right when I made that turn and finally parked, Mia took no time in sitting up. "W- what..." She choked on her own words, not even able to believe what I had done. "What are you doing? Why did you bring me here?!" She was loud, and she wad also panicking, and simply on the verge of crying.

She trusted me though, that was all that mattered.

"Mia..." I tried. I made sure to act towards this situation calmly and carefully as much possible. I didn't want to make things worse.

She shook her head in disbelief, seconds away from tears rolling down her face. She was trying so hard. "Why the hell would you do that? Why would you bring me here?... you said-"

I cut her off. "You say you trust me, right?" Turning the ignition off, I turned my body towards Mia. I made sure to take her hand in mines and hold it as I also looked her right in the eyes without a single doubt. It was as a way of letting her now that everything was going to be alright.

After ten minutes or so and slow deep breaths she nodded licking her lips and blinking away any tears. But I had already done her a favor and wiped any tears that had managed to escape away. "Pretty girls don't cry." I whispered over to her, giving her a slight smile. "You're too pretty to cry, baby." I whispered, earning a smile from Mia. That was something that took a huge weight off my shoulders.

Opening the door to my side, I stepped out and slammed the door right after. Making sure it wasn't too Louis, I thn made my way around to Mia's. "C'mon." I motioned out once I had opened the door for her. Grabbing her hand I slowly helped her out the range rover, letting her know I would be by her side all along. There was no need to be scared of me or I anything- at least not today.




"You know, when you offered me to go somewhere I didn't expect it to be here actually..." Mia confessed.

"Don't stress yourself over it too much. It's gonna be alright." I assured her. "You don't need to be scared around me." I jokingly smirked hoping to lighten thugs up. And thankfully it earned a shoulder shove from Mia.

I could tell right away she was terrified. There was no doubt about it. But then again, who wouldn't be? Being brung back to a place that was like torture to you and reminders of horrible things, isn't exactly your ideal place. But this was step one to everything.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked concerned. I wanted to make sure she would be completely honest, otherwise brining her here would have been a complete waste.

"I'm sure."

The expression that was once placed across my face had disappeared, gone missing. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I leaned back a little looking over at her. Waiting for Mia to finally confess to me the truth. Because her and I both knew she was lying. It was written all across her face. I repeat, Mia was easy to read.

"No." Mia gave in, her voice cracking but finding its place once again. "Actually no. I'm not fine, I'm not okay... And this-" she paused catching her breath. "This isn't helping, but making things worse. I want to hate you for bringing me here. Why the hell would you even do this to me?..."

"-but I can't. I can't hate you Austin..." Her voice wasn't the only thing that was making me hate myself even more at this second because I was so close to cracking as well.

I had managed to get us through the front door without Dave or anyone seeing us. He usually slept early when there was no job needed to be done. But if he did hear any noise he would know I was back, in a way that wouldn't matter much considering how he'll think it's just me brining another girl home. I had the tendency to do that a lot back then. We were currently in my room, the walls were surrounding us. There was no way in hell I was going to let these walls or any walls come closing in on Mia like they had done on me before. I was so far over that. "Don't you understand?! You can't keep living like this- living all broken. "

"... I know I broke you, and now I'm going to fix you... So just please let be do just that."

Mia spoke loudly, and at this point I was really hoping Dave wouldn't wake up. But in reality, I was taking my chances. "He meant everything to me... I was always his little girl." She cried.

I sighed to myself, a reminded that I once felt the same way she's feeling right now. Making my way over to her, I held her in my arms with all of my strength. I tried my hardest to give her my everything. And for a brief moment, I felt like myself. My old self... My old happy self. Something in which had been long ago. It was a great feeling. "Listen to me," I breathe out. "Little girls grow up to become big girls... I think it's time you give it a chance. He would want you to."

She didn't say anything, only nodded. Slowly Mia's cries turned into soft faded sobs against my chest. Stroking her back softly, she finally got quiet and gathered herself. In a much better state than she was in before. She then looked up at me, that look in her eyes showed me that she had understood that it was for the better. It wasn't always good to be broken on the inside and the only thing to fix those broken, you had to fix them yourself. And Mia was in the start of doing just that. Like I had said, I wanted to help her. I really did. I wanted to be the help to her that I had never gotten with my dad's passing. It was the least I could do.

But slowly soon after, things had lead to another and I was now pushing Mia up against the wall and kissing her aggressively with all my energy. I had the tendency to push up against walls, I liked being in control. A soft sweet moan escaped her lips and slowly I smirked into the kiss. Though she took me by surprise when her hands pulled my shirt from my chest closer on to her and moved away from the wall. Still kissing me back, Mia took steps forward as I tried my hardest not to fall backwards. I was running out of breath but I didn't want to stop. I wasn't going to stop.

Things took a slightly different turn when she pushed me roughly against my own bed. My heart was speeding up, as everything started to pass right before my eyes. Getting herself on top of me, Mia's hands explored my body with nothing but pure curiosity, only turning me on even more than she already had. Slowly Mia brought her lips over to my neck, she kissed my jawline right before moving her lips to my neck and pressing her soft lips against my skin. They were warm and an absolute weakness as well. Usually it would be the other way around. I groaned, getting sexually frustrated. I had a clue of what things were close to leading on to. And I was starting to get a feeling, I wasn't going to be able to handle it. Mia what the hell are you doing.

"Austin..." She spoke in between kisses, her hands resting on my chest. "I want you and I need you."


I didn't know what to do. I wanted her so bad. She was driving me crazy. Completely crazy. Something I was getting used to from her, but certainly she had brought it down to a complete different level. Having her pressed up against me, not to mention on top of me as well, I was getting even more breathless. And a million thoughts and images were running through my mind currently. And let me just tell you, they weren't so innocent but in fact, too naughty.

Mia then started to tug at my shirt, indicating my she wanted me to remove it. And as much as I wanted to-as much as I really, really wanted to... I just couldn't. Especially not right now. I stopped her arms before they got to reach anything else.

"Mia, are you s-sure?" I cleared my throat in an instant. I was surprised I say so myself. I never stutter and that was a fact. However Mia was too caught up to even notice it. Thank god.

"Mhm" she hummed, now nibbling at my earlobe. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. This girl was begging for it, and I was so close to giving it to her. So close.

"No, no no." I said, my voice most definitely coming out weak. This was a different. "Mia, you aren't thinking right."

"I am."

"You'll regret it." I spoke up slowly pushing her away until finally I had knocked some sense into her, sadly I may add.


On the drive to take Mia back, she was silent. But however this time it was very different from the many times Mia was always silent. This time, she wasn't shy or awkward, or anything like that. In fact, it was almost nothing but it was a comfortable silence for some reason. I took my eyes off the road and placed them on Mia for a quick second. Catching her attention she only stared back at me, biting the corner of her lip. Something that was really attractive, I'll admit.

A few minutes later Mia had broke yet again another silence that had filled the car. "Sorry about before..." She laughed awkwardly shaking her head. "I don't really know what had gotten into me." She confessed. "You were just right there, and I just... I couldn't control myself."

Story. Of. My. Life.

I chuckled at her words. I would be lying if I say I in fact loved hearing that come our of her mouth. I was glad I wasn't the only one trying to be on my best behavior around her. Clearly, the feeling was mutual. "It's alright." I said smoothly. "Now I know exactly how you act, when the right times come along." I didn't really look at her when I said that. But I knew that I had made her blush. She may have taken it as a joke, but I wasn't.

I liked how it wasn't awkward at all like I had thought it would be. It was something surprising and sudden. But if this was the new start of the Mia finding herself, then I was loving it. And right on today and in this very moment. After time, weeks, months, of knowing this girl names Mia Evans, I realized something. Something I was really hoping would be nothing but lies- a hoax. But unfortunately, this was nothing but the truth. I had a thing for Mia and it was beginning to show. This was bad. I wasn't afraid of much- but this? I possibly was. Stella had made me fear of this moment for so long, and I thought I was sure I wouldn't ever have to deal with this again. Yet here I am with reality hitting at full speed. However, in a world full of lies, Mia was the truth to me.



The new Deathly Kisses cover is by-
emotionalfangirl here on wattpad!

Thank u to all who made a cover for DK it was REALLY REALLY hard to chose. There were all so amazing ugh. ilysm