The comfort that filled every fiber of my body when I held Johnny's hand was unbearably addictive. I had know many forms of love but never of this degree. I had been childish in my pursuit of Johnny before, seeking him out desperately. However, now I had this level of restraint that I could only attach to this new feeling I had towards him. He had given up his own life to ensure a better life for us both, both of us. Growing up I had a fixation in my head that I was determined to end up alone and that I was unlovable, it was down to these feelings I internalized that I began to accept the love I thought I deserved. Love that was offered freely and willingly, that is where me and Cameron got confused. I felt sorry for Cameron, to think I was the only version of true love he would ever get to experience. Now as I grew and I began to distinguish between the different forms of love that guilt burrowed deep into my belly. Johnny's hand tightened around mine as we walk slowly down the picturesque road, and I could not help but smile to myself. Me and Johnny were both broken people, and I was only beginning to understand how broke he really was. If we could ever be a couple, if we could ever openly love each other I knew we had to fix our broken souls first. As much as I had been leaning on other people for support over the past year I knew it was time for me to look after myself. I wanted to help Johnny but I could not do it was I was so unstable and unsure of myself. First thing to do was to put that solid plan in place with Aude for my future and work on own problems by accepting my mistakes and moving on.
"You alright in there?", Johnny said glancing at me as we continued to walk.
"Of course", I smiled looking up at him.
"I feel like you have been lost in your own mind since we got here, are you sure everything is OK?", his walking was slowing down.
"Just thinking about everything", I said trying to brush him off, the last thing I wanted to do right now was have another heart to heart. My heart was unbearably heavy, and I quite frankly needed a break. Johnny looked at me suspiciously and I gave him a wink, and we both laughed. Not once did he let go of my hand as we turned around to head back towards the house. The smell of pine trees was overwhelming at times as we walked along the back road, coming from the city to the rural backbone of Texas was an incredible culture shock. The ever present beads of sweat that formed a crown of perspiration around me head had turned into a slow flowing river down my face. Not only was the heat overwhelming, the extra weight I was carrying was putting pressure on my ability to walk as quickly as before. As the house came into view I breathed a sigh of relief, home sweet home. The thought scared me, this was my new home and that was the only thing I was sure of in my life right now. As negative thoughts began to creep into my ear and work it's was into my brain I shook my head, I refused to spend the rest of the day as I had spent the last few. Consumed solely by myself. Aude was bent in half with only her rear end visibly sticking out of her car trunk.
"Mother of divine god!", I heard her gruffling into the car, she even sounded sweet when she was angry. Magic. I could here Johnny giggling beside me at the sound and sight of Aude struggling with the car. As we grew closer we could see she was simply tidying the trunk and loading some packages into the free spaces. I touched her lightly on the shoulder and she jumped with a tiny shriek and hit her head off the low rising trunk trunk cover.
"I am so sorry Aude!", I soothed as she frantically rubbed the back of her head and squinted her eyes.
"Oh! Your are only here a few days and you are already trying to kill me!", she joked closing the trunk and leading the way into the house, with her hand firmly attached to her head. Me and Johnny had disconnected our hands at this point, I was more concerned with how Aude was. "Y'all ready to head to this party soon?", She asked heading into the kitchen and quickly returning with a glass of water.
"Ready as can be", Johnny responded shaking his scruffy head of hair. It is amazing how quickly mens hair grows, not to mention their ridiculously long eye lashes. "Know anywhere someone can get a good haircut around these parts?", he asked jokingly.
"I like your hair, it is very in fashion", Aude noted and I agreed by nodding my hair frantically. "You just need some hair ties so you can function without hair falling in your face all the time", she said as she dissapeared out a different door. Johnny was laughing as he turned to me.
"So how about a French braid?", he said striking a very fabulous pose.
Aude had reentered the room with a handful of hair ties and she handed them to Johnny and gave him a big dramatic thumbs up. As he pulled his hair into a hair tie it was nice to see his face again, his deep brown eyes had been clouded out by a curtain of hair. I smiled to myself, I had to be blessed in some way to have gotten Johnny to become a part of my life.
"Are you good to go Miss Kira?", Aude asked me directly this time.
"As ready as I ever will be", I responded honestly grabbing a light cardigan off the kitchen counter that I had left behind when we went for our walk.
"Seriously, Aude was right we need to ring you clothes shopping. You are going to be dehydrated if you keep sweating so bad", he laughed and I mocked his laugh in response.
"Johnny what is that outside, oh my goodness!", I said jumping out of my chair and pointing dramatically out the window. Johnnies eyes grew big and he turned to quickly to investigate what I was pointing out.
"What? Where?", he splurted out looking incredibly worried.
"It is a magical money tree", I burst out laughing I was clearly quite fond of my own jokes.
"So funny Kira", Johnny scowled grabbing his jacket that was hung on the back of a dining room chair. "We will figure out the money front", he snarled clearly annoyed by my joke.
"A joke Johnny, it was a joke. Relax, we are going to unwind and have fun at this party", I said sighing loudly for emphasis. He pulled his jacket on and low mumbling was the response I got, forever the charmer.
"Do y'all think 3 bottles of wine is enough to bring, you know as a gift for inviting us?", Aude asked anxiously.
"Yes!", me and Johnny answered at the same time.
"You sure? I would hate to be seen as a bad guest", Aude mumbled wringing her hands. For a woman with such a strong personality and heart it was unsettling to see her reduced to mumbling mess at the simple idea of what her own friends were going to think of her.
"Honestly Aude, if it were me they would be lucky to have me as guest! My payment to party hosts is simply my presence", Johnny joked and Aude broke into a cackle and beckoned for us to follow her as she giggled the whole way from the kitchen to the car.
Johnny was walking towards the Jeep when Aude stopped him.
"Hello", she waved at him and pointed to her car. "Families go together"
Family. Johnny raised his eyebrow at me as Aude dissapeared into the driving seat and I just shrugged my shoulders. As he walked towards the car he mouthed the word family and a smile so large spread across his face his cheeks turned pink.
YOU ARE READING
Bitter Sweet LoveTeen Fiction
Bitter Sweet Love tells the coming of age story of Kira who enters into a relationship with an emotionally torn boy battling cancer in the shadows of puberty. While Kira struggles with a growing fondness for Johnny, her Brother's friends, whom she...