Chapter 39

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Vic's POV

I'm an idiot. I miss him. I miss him so much. Fucking hell. I'm so stupid. How could I ever doubt that I want to stay with him forever? I feel like such an asshole. Will he even forgive me? I hope so. I don't think I deserve to be forgiven but I can't lose him. I love him too much. I don't think I'm ever going to consider leaving him again. I've realized what a stupid thought that was. How could I ever think that I could live without him?

These thoughts are useless at 10pm. It's too late to go over there and bother him. Besides I'm super tired. I'd probably say something stupid. I haven't slept in a while. I should probably get some sleep soon.

There's a loud knock at my door and I call for them to come in. Mike comes in looking a little annoyed.

"I went to see Kellin." He begins and I sit up interested.

"And?" I ask nervously.

"Don't you dare out Matty!" He snaps.

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

"I'm not going to. I said it in the heat of the moment. I would never." I explain truthfully. I do honestly feel horrible for what I did to Matty. I really owe him an apology. But first, I owe Kellin the most sincere apology I can muster up.

"So how's Kellin?" I ask, my stomach knotting as I pray that the answer is a good one.

"He's not so great Vic." Mike sighs, crushing my hopes.

"Why? What's wrong? How bad is it?" I ask worried and anxious.

"He looks like he's an inch from death, I'm not over exaggerating." Mike says quietly and my heart leaps to my throat. "He's worse than I've ever seen him."

I groan and smack myself in the forehead.

"I'm such a fucking idiot. This is all my fault." I whine.

"You have to talk to him Vic. Go see him. You obviously really love him." He sighs.

"I will." I say determined. "I'll do it first thing tomorrow morning."

"Good call." Mike smiles. "And this isn't your fault."

He leaves the room and I fall back onto my bed. He's wrong, this is all my fault. I can't believe I was so stupid. The love of my life has been hurting for three weeks because of me and its like I just didn't care. If he's fallen back into old habits then it's all my fault. I don't know if I can't handle the fact that I've destroyed all his progress.

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I sit in the drivers seat, absentmindedly tapping the steering wheel with my fingertips as I look over at Kellin's house, thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong. What if he doesn't forgive me?

I sigh and get out of the car. I have nothing to lose. I jog up the yard to the front door before taking a breath and knocking on the door. Soon enough the door opens and Jeuse Bostwick stands before me. He looks tired, upset and really pissed off.

"What are you doing here?" He asks through gritted teeth.

"I came to apologize to Kell." I say, hoping that he'll let me in.

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