5SOS Preferences (Under editing)

BSM: he likes your twin more (michael/4)

This may be triggering and I really don't want anyone to get offended by this, if you feel bringing up attempt in suicide would trigger you please dont read it or read with caution. If you feel that you have no one to talk to and there's nothing left for you, please find help. Here's a link to a suicide helpline if you are really feeling like that's your only option; no crisis is too small http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ I am always here and you are greatly loved in this world even if it feels like you aren't. Please please stay strong and just know that there are so many people who love you and need you here, you were put here for a purpose and you could conquer whatever is in your way. I love you.

(17)
Walking home from the bus stop with your twin sister Maggie was quite fun. You were both discussing how school was that day, she had gotten a 90% on her math mid term whilst you had gotten a 69% [ ;) ] because you weren't the best at math, as simple as that.
You both walked through the front door, her immediately kicking off her flats to tell Michael about her results from the test, you taking a bit longer to untie your high tops. You and Maggie looked alike but you took more to your older brothers personality and music taste. Maggie was a girly girl but she enjoyed the music you listen to as well, she wasn't a bratty person she just had a love for fashion.
You finally walked into the living room and saw Michael congratulate mags and you walked over. "I got a 69% I accidentally wrot-" you began. "Maybe if you were as smart as Maggie that would have been rounded to a 70," He snickered. You frowned and Maggie pulled away from his embrace.
"What the hell Michael? Alteast she tried her best, better than what you were like at school. It was only a mistake ." She defends you.
"Yea, like gods decision to have her be conceived and not just have you. Just take the compliment mags. She's too stupid to comprehend what we are even saying." Michael looks your way, tears brimmed your eyes. "What did I do to you?" You ask.
"You were born." Michael finishes the conversation. "Michael! Are you forgetting you're a high school dropout? She's your sister she hadn't done anything, she just flunked one test!" Maggie screamed in your defence. "Whatever, I had never liked her. She's a copy cat, always trying to be like me. It pisses me off." He spat walking to his room. You just shook your head and grabbed your bag, turning to look at Maggie. "I'll be back, just want to get out for a bit," you say, she looked at you sympathetically before stalking up the stairs to scold Michael some more.
You were so done, you knew for sure he didn't like you. You always had a feeling he liked Maggie more, he adored her. He only tolerated you. And now you knew it was your fault, you dressing like him and liking the same music as him. You didn't exactly do it intentionally, you just fell in love with that genre when you heard him listening to it one time when you were little. If you had known Michael didn't like you stealing his thing you would have backed off, but now you were too late. You always fucked shit up, and this is just added to the long list.

Your mind traveled to when you were younger, you and mags were playing in the backyard when Michael came out. "Mikey! Come play with us" Maggie screamed.
"Okay little bug," he laughed.
"Mikey can I have that to-" you started to ask, he was holding your favourite toy mic and you were just about to grab it when he did. He turned and looked at you. "You only want it because I grabbed it, god you are such a copy cat. Go get another toy and play some wheres else would ya?" He glared. You began to tear up. "MUM!" You cried. "Y/n no no-" Michael tried to stop you but it was too late. Your mum came out and grounded Michael. He turned and gave you one last death glare before going upstairs to his room and slamming the door.
Your tears began to spill because you remembered that's when he began to favour Maggie more. You hadn't known where you were going until you reached the look off, it was beautiful. You began to think about how Michael said he wished Maggie was the only one that should have been born, and he was right. I mean, Maggie is the better twin. She has her life going for her. And your parents wouldn't have to spend so much money on you for tutoring, which is a big reason they were in debt at the moment. And the teachers at school, they could pay more attention to the kids who could actually take in what they are teaching instead of focusing on helping you. Everything would just be better. These thoughts swirling in you head made you step closer to the edge. If you weren't born everyone's lives would have been so much better, or so you thought.
Another step and your foot hit the post of the rail separating you from your awaiting fate. You slowly lifted you foot over the rail, and soon the other was trailing not so far behind. You sat on the edge trying to think if this was really what you wanted, and every thought in your mind was tilting to yes. And so here you are, leaning over the edge. Closing your eyes you feel yourself lift from the rail and fall. Then just like that you felt relief, and then, nothing.

I really hope that this chapter was well written and that the message up top helped someone. This is such a topic that is becoming romanticized in every book I read. Suicide and eating disorders are treated like it's just another thing teens do. And it's not that at all. I've never felt depressed but I have many friends who do. I lost my cousin last year to suicide and almost lost my best friend this year to attempt in suicide and it really is something that I will never forget how you can overlook things and pass them off as fine when they really aren't. My friend is doing good now and she no longer has to live in a psychiatric hospital which is good. Please if you feel that suicide is your only option, tell somebody. Because you really are not alone. And even though you may feel you are the only one who feels this way I can guarantee you're not. My friend felt the same way, and what pisses me off the most is when she attempted and was in the hospital getting heart surgeries done and almost succeeding in her attempt everyone who had passed her off were writing damn Facebook statuses about how they needed her here and how they wee going to visit her while I'm on the other side of the country crying that I may not see my sister again. So even if people treat her like an outcast they like to act as if they were best friends to get pity for themselves. Anyways, like I said the link is up there if my speech wasn't enough. I really do care and I feel like if I didn't add this I'd just be another person trying to show pity without actually wanting to change someone's mind on what they feel about themselves. I love all of you and I hope you can stay strong and know how much people care for you. Please stay strong for me because I need you here.❤️❤️❤️
(I'm actually crying rn oh lord do I mean everything I said)