CALORIE: something hot, full of heat energy. Es muy calor ahora!
CAMPAIGN: Camp pain. A military term denoting the fact that war entailed movement, camping out. lt also entailed a lot of pain, when was the last time a politician gave up the endless buftfet tables and Sheraton hotel rooms for a canvas tent and camp fire Kraft dinner? I guess there is no such thing as political camping.
CANNED FOOD: food that comes in a tin, invented in the 19th century so that Napoleon's troops might reach Moscow. lt was also at this time that the term frozen food first came into common use. see FAST FOOD
CANON: the essential knowledge of a science or art. Named thus because it carried the most lethal effect, potential to damage, much like a real cannon.
CANNON: a large can used in warfare predominantly in the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries.
CAN OPENER: from the phrase " I can open'er!", This was first said by Napoleon's army divisions after they discovered the miracle of can food but realized
that no one had yet invented something to open it with. Napoleon discovered the
secret of winning wars was a well fed army, contrary to public opinion, you can't fight
on an empty stomach. So, is the choice really between guns or butter?
CAP GUN: two things you need to belong to an inner city gang and combat your infeariority complex.
CAPITAL: money, finance. Also meaning big or important. A capital idea is a big idea about money. lt also designates the most important city in a country, the one where most of the capital can be found.
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: poverty, the inability to make money. Usually this is done in the guise of the good intentions of capitalists. This is also where poverty is usually always greater in capital cities. (ex. Washington D.C. “Das Capital”, a crude joke played by the first bureaucrat with a sense of humour and divination.)
CARAVAN: a group of suburbanites travelling together by vehicle to cottage country. Not to be confused with the uniquely Dodge Caravan.
CARPE DEIM: time to go fishing, a good fishing day.
CASUALTY: victims of war, collateral damage. War is the most perfected and marking feature of the 20th century. Thus, people must die in war. We have a casual attitude to casualties. Pigs to the slaughter. As General Swartzkopf said so honestly about the relationship between officer and soldier (the casualty), “ for breakfast, the chickens are necessary but the pigs are committed. ”
CATHOLIC: a member of a religious order. This religion is founded on the premise that a follower can do anything he or she wants filled as they are with the spirit of God. Even if they do absolutely horrific and evil things, they may be forgiven all, so long as they know that they did evil and absolutely horrific things. Catholics are particularly susceptible to guilt which is dealt with by an anecdote of Hail Mary's, confession and absolution so that the member can continue in their ways.
CHARLES DICKENS: a 19th century popular author. Noted for his long and sentimental books about the London underclass. Many British upper crust did not take well to his evangelical nature and this gave rise to the phrase, “Who gives a Dickens?”.
CHINA: land where people drink chi, known as tea in the English language. Why do we English drink tea not chi, unlike most other people in the world? Did this result from a slip of the tongue, a trader unable to put his tongue around the word "chi"? Which came first, the word tea or the word teeth?
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The Idiot's DictionaryNon-Fiction
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone. "It means just what I choose it to mean - neither more or less." "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is," said Hu...