A: the first letter of the alphabet. Aleph, the head. Alpha not Omega. A start like the art of an aardvark always adding to the earth.
ABATTOIR: a slaughterhouse. lt used to be a place where animals were killed with bats but now with a “kinder, gentler” nation and technology, we use quieter means.
ABBEY: a place for spiritual regeneration, contemplation. Where one obeys.
ABET: to stop oneself from making a lot of money, usually by gambling, making a lot of bets.
ABILITY: someone has this when they can make a lot of cash quickly.
ABRAHAM: descendant of Ham, the first African. ls this why we say, abracadabra?
ABREAST: two things side by side. This gives the illusion they are one.
ACADEMIC: a plague of lifeless individuals who with and through their specialized introspection have infested the body of knowledge with gibberish. The only known cure is called the university, a model of the universe which this virus takes as being the real world. Thus tricked, the academic's virus becomes dormant and the academic is able to live in this artificial world of wine and cheese parties, simpleposings and youthful indifference. (see BABBLE)
ACADEMY: a place where cads (cadets) meet and talk about women.
ADAM: Hebrew word for earth (adamah). Man was made trom earth (clay) and will return to the earth. This was how God first got into trouble, got his hands dirty.
ADAMANT: was Adam adamant with the Lord about the need for a mate? Did he utter a damn it when she appeared? Did Eve come in the evening? see EVENING.
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT: entry level, dead end job which pays the minimum wage and entails a maximum amount of kissing ass. Usually this position is advertised under the bold headline, “Exciting Opportunity!!!”. At least it furnishes a modicum of respectability at cocktail parties when people inquire, "What do you do?" and you can answer in the longest breath possible. Synonym: gofer (go for it). see EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT
ADULTERY: sleeping with someone other than one's spouse. A behaviour adults are only capable of.
ADVENTURE: something entailing excitement, danger, not the ordinary. The starting up of a mass market magazine. This also becomes an admission, a very weighty (but profitable affair). ie. Vanity Fair.
AGREE: one degree, of one mind.
AGROPHOBIA: the fear of farming. Common to many city dwellers, so confined they are in their little boxes.
AIDS: to help towards death. But why should we need help? Why us, virus?
A LOT: to have much, originally meaning to have much salt (a one time valued commodity). Lot had a lot because his wite turned into a pillar of salt, he repented and lived righteously, his food richly laden with salt.
ALLOWED: aloud, the scream of I CAN.
ALPHABET: letters/characters representing sounds. A bet, an attempt to capture and give permanence to sounds. The bet wasn't won until the bell sounded (Alexander that is). Did he collect?
AMUSING: funny, spirited. What the poet does when with wine glass in hand he sings for the table. He is a musing, looking for beautiful, immortal love amid the chaos of sounds, letters, faces.
ANATHEMA: the feeling of disgust we get when having to listen to another “terribly" creative rendition of the national anthem while anxiously awaiting the start of the game. People are also known to break out in sores due to the stress.
ANGLOPHONE: a phone that only responds to the English language. These unsurprisingly enough are almost exclusively found in English speaking countries.
ARTIFICIAL: an art critic.
to go ARYE: to be lost, confused after drinking copious amounts of rye. Most
abstaining alcoholics go arye with rye. Hard core drinkers might retort that one must first " lose oneself in order to be found ". I have found many bottles of rye when in need of going arye but never have I found myself in one, not even surrealistically.
“A STROKE OF LUCK”: a hole in one.
ASKEW: a crooked pool cue.
ASSAULT: to attack using force. Once, long ago, salt was a very precious commodity. Many caravans transporting salt were attacked, assaulted.
ASYLUM: (noun). a safe place away from those who would do one harm. Can one
seek asylum in an asylum. Is it safe for the insane (those in sanity) to be herded
together in asylum? see BEDLAM
ATTEMPT: to try to do something. We ternpt fate every time we truly try to
do something in our own light, through our own freedom. All worthy action is done with temptation in mind, tempted by the devil as we always are.
ATTENTION: to be in a state of tension.
AUTO: name of a small vehicle. Originates from the name of it's German inventor, Otto Benz. Why isn't a light bulb called an Edison? Well, at least, light bulbs are light.
YOU ARE READING
The Idiot's DictionaryNon-Fiction
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone. "It means just what I choose it to mean - neither more or less." "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things." "The question is," said Hu...