Silver Linings

"When I look at her now, I think, for just one second, that God doesn't hate me so much."
Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility

"Mine perfumed all my planet. But I did not know how to take pleasure in all her grace."
Antoine de Saint-Exupry, The Little Prince

He wakes up to the sight dearest to him in the entire world.

For a moment, he does not even dare breathe afraid of disturbing or soling the pristine tranquil moment.

His daughter is cuddled up in his arms, her head pillowed on his shoulders, her arm and leg thrown casually across him and she twitches slightly in her sleep. He runs a gentle hand over her head and soothes her.

As soon as she relaxes with the movement, he has a smile on his face and tightens his hold on her. Closing his eyes he rests his chin on his daughter' head and lets out a sigh. He figures they can have a few more moments of this peace and quiet and gently kisses her forehead.

He almost succeeds in his vain attempt too; Ruhi' presence, her gentle warmth in his arms lulling him into a false pretense of their regular Sunday mornings of these past few months when the images of last night flood his mind. He remembers with a heavy heart his life has been thrown off kilter nowadays; it is not the gentle easy routine these days that he had slipped into over the past few months with Ishita. She changed so much for him in a matter of months it is hard to believe it sometimes, now on Sundays he wakes up sans any hangovers or the noise of commotion in his home. Rather his Sundays begin much like today, with Ruhi in his arms and Ishita waking them up for brunch and his crazy family enjoying a lazy day.

Sleep disappears thereafter for him but he cannot bring himself to wake his daughter up, she... she is there with him, even if she is asleep and right now that means the world to him. Her presence makes it easy for him to quiet his mind even if for a few seconds altogether. He raises her arm thrown across his chest and kisses her hand much as he did last night as his eyes well up. His little girl took care of him last night, she seemed like such a grandmother or a mother figure to him, he is almost amused enough to let out a little peel of laughter.

He recalls how she was there heating his food for him in the oven once he had walked out after changing into his night clothes, her grandmotherly way of forbidding him to eat cold food or curd and later as she fed him. She seemed so grownup the moment she said she understands everyone is angry with him. He could not give her a reply and when she made him drink the glass of water and told him, big boys do not cry he could have actually said his six year old seems like the wisest creature in the world to him.

She even read him a bedtime story last night!

He shakes his head slightly at the memory and hugs her tighter, closing his eyes for a moment or two as a smile overtakes his face and his eyes mist.

Out of nowhere flashes of the times, he has been rude to her, spurned her and hurt her come to his mind and he loosens his grip on his daughter. Looking at her innocent face the barrage of memories become stronger - all the times he has slighted his daughter remind him of what an awful father he has been towards her. He cannot understand how life came to this - a daughter who loves him so always got the rough end of the deal while a son who loathes him to no ends is the one who makes him pine for his presence.

A mole, a measly single mole reminded him of his ex whenever he looked at his daughter and he punished her unjustly for it and today it's the same daughter who has made him feel loved and wanted when he felt lonely and miserable, avoided by everyone dear and near to him.

For a moment, he wonders what would have happened to him, had he not had her? He cannot lie to himself that on days when everything around him seemed doomed post the failure of his first marriage he had wondered was bringing Ruhi in this world a wise option. How would he raise a motherless infant, a baby girl at that all by himself? The question had scared him, had Shagun died in childbirth or by any other reason he knows the task would have been just as horrendous but what had him scared more was the prospect of his daughter' future being tainted by being called the progeny of an adulterous, characterless woman. Society was mocking and making a laughing stock of him as it is back then, how would his daughter' future be, the mere thought had given him many a sleepless nights.