I'm not safe here (Wroetoshaw/Minishaw)

Ch. 27

Harry's video

"Hi everyone, So this is something that I've never done on this channel before and I'm not sure if I will ever do this again. But most off you know what has been going on in my life for the past few months, but some off you don't, and that is why I'm here today.

Let me just start off with that I know I've been crap at uploading for the last months and I don't even blame you for not sticking around here and just wait for me to upload anything. But to be honest I've just not been in the right mindset to make video's.

So maybe I'll quit stalling and just tell you all what happened, then it's out there, and after this video is done I will never talk about this again, I don't want to keep talking about this, over and over again.

So basically, you all know that I had a boyfriend, his name was Alfie Deyes and you all probably know him as PointlessBlog here on youtube, we had this picture perfect relationship, everything was all good on video's and people were like, Oh My God, you are such relationship goals, and posting that we were your OTP. 

I'm sorry to inform everyone that we were no were near relationship goals, I don't think you could become farther away from that, even if you tried, you see behind the camera was a hole other story going on. I have been mentally abused for about a year now, and no there are no sings off it in his vlogs, I know that I'm always smiling and kissing his cheek and things like that, but it's all fake, I just got to good at pretending that things were OK, if I would not, If I looked down or sad on camera he would put me down, he would threaten me, he would never let me hang out with the guys as I felt they were a threat. I see now how wrong this all was, I should not have stayed as long as I did, no one should have to deal with constantly being put down, and told you are not good enough, and told that I would never find anyone as good as he was, this is just brainwashing, you slowly start to believe this yourself. 

If you are in the same position as me, then get out, and get out quickly. 

I did not, I stayed far to long, and that only made things so much worse, as the day that I left, I knew he would threaten me, I just did not know he would push me down the stairs as I walked away, I did brake my arm, and then later had to get surgery as he came into my hospital room and as I rejected his offer of getting back together, he pushed down on my arm so hard that he dislocated both bones. I will have the X-rays up here somewhere.

Then the worst part came, I made the mistake of confirming on twitter that Alfie had broken my arm, I should have done it differently, Alfie got ruined online, his brand deals and events went away. He convinced himself that if we would just get back together then everything would be OK, So he broke in to the Sidemen house were I was staying, and he had a knife, I was in Vikk's room as this was the day after the surgery, so I was a bit drugged up and Vikk did not want me to sleep alone so he offered me to stay in his room. Alfie broke in and saw us in bed together and got the wrong idea. He actually got a knife and threaded to hurt Vikk if I did not come with him, he ended up dragging me from the room, I managed to smash a mirror and wake up Simon, who came with JJ and then Josh and Freya came as well. Simon and JJ managed to take Alfie down, but Simon got stabbed in the process, he got off lucky though.

Then the rest you know, Alfie was charged and then convicted and that leaves us here, I'm slowly getting my head together, I still feel lost at times, and I feel like this was all my fault, I felt like I was not a good enough boyfriend and that is why that all happened, but in my head I know that it's not the case, I should not blame myself, but that is just who I am, It's so hard to change your mindset.

I also wanted to say think you for the people that have stayed with me and supported me through all off this mess, I want to thank the Sidemen from the bottom off my heart, for taking me in, and taking care off me, especially Simon, he was the one that I called and he was with me in the hospital.

I will see you all later, for what will hopefully be a proper video." Harry said and smiled as he turned off the camera. Then he laid down on Simon's bed and started crying, he was not sure why himself, but it felt good to let all the feelings out.