Chapter 9-4

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The long night is finally reaching towards its end.. 

N: Apna dard de do mujhe manik. (Manik felt numb litening to this. He doesn't have words to say. Manik in mind: Nandini kis mitti ki bani h? Jahan log sirf khushiyan chahte hain aur agar kisi se kuch mangna h, toh usse badle mein khushiyan maangte hain aur yahan, ye nandini h, jo mera dard maang rahi h mujhse. Taaki m khush reh sakun, mujhse sara dard lena chahti h. Kya h ye nandini? Isne kabhi apne bare mein socha bhi h? Hamesha dusron ki khushiyon ke bare mein sochti rehti h chahe khud ko kitna hi dard kyun na ho. Kya m sach mein itna lucky hoon ki nandini mujhse is hadd tak pyaar karti h?)

N: Manik, please mujhse apna dard share karo. Please. M hoon yahan tumhara dard sametne ke liye. Please trust me once, i promise, m tumse sara dard door kar dungi. Please just share with me once. Manik let it all out, i am here to absorb all your pain. Please manik. Please. (Nandini folds her hands in front of manik and  is literally begging him to give his pain to her. She have tears in her eyes and seeing her love, her care, feeling himself blessed, manik also got tears and he hugged nandini tightly and nandini hugged him back. Both manik and nandini were crying in each other arms and hiding themselves more and more in each other's warmth. Their tears were not stopping. Nandini was crying because she can't see manik in that much pain and manik was crying because for the first time in his life, he can say that someone cares for him, his happiness matters to someone, someone belongs to him, to whom he can call as his. This feeling he never got for alia, not even for once. But now, he has nandini who truly belongs to him, whose heart belongs to him, who loves him to this extent that she is ready to suffer any pain for him. And after this, he has no other doubt, no other option, no other reason to not share his pain with her because now he knows, his pain belongs to her also, he knows she is more hurt than him seeing him in pain and he can't hurt her ever and the way she expressed that she is there for him to take all his pain, he knows that now he belongs to her like she belongs to him and there is no room between them to hide anything from each other. His pain is deep but he knows that nandini is there for him, to support him, to take all his pain away from him. So, he decided to tell her everything and moreover he knows, she is his peace and by sharing it with her, he is definitely going to get his solace. But still, he thought not to disclose about his love towards her now because first, he wanted to talk to fab5 and make them understand his view-point and make them realise nandini's importance in his life because he is sure now he will not let nandini go because he can't do that, he loves her alot, she is his jaan and moreover both of their happiness lies in each other. He broke the hug slowly and wiped her tears and nandini did the same. Then, manik made nandini sit comfortably on the bed and himself lie with his head on her lap and holds her one hand close to his heart and nandini with other hand starts ruffling his hairs and manik immediately got relaxed. Manik looks in nandini's eyes and nandini blinks her eyes saying him to continue and tightens her hold on his hand assuring him that she is there with him, for him and manik understanding her approval started to share his pain with her.) 

M: Pata h nandini, mere dad, vo pune mein rehte hain, malhotra industries ke owner hain, ek billionaire hain and all over world unki branches hain. Unhone mujhe life ki har luxury di aur ye sab bhi baad mein mere name hi hona h. I am a billionaire, (He gave a sarcastic and sad chukle while saying it.), Par pata h m andar se bilkul khali hoon. Mujhe toh ye bhi thk se yaad nhi kab main apne dad se last mila tha, kab unse thk se baat ki thi? Unhone mujhe life ki har luxury toh dedi, par ye bhul gaye ki kahin mujhe aur kuch toh nhi chahiye? Kabhi ye nhi dekha ki m thk hoon ya nhi, khush hoon ya nhi, kabhi ye janne ki koshish nhi ki ki m kya chahta hoon? Mujhe apna time dena bhool gaye vo. Dete bhi kaise, unka sara time toh unke business mein hi nikal jata h. Ek baar ye nhi socha, ki unka beta kisi problem mein toh nhi, agar h toh handle kar pa raha h ya nhi? Maine kabhi dad ka pyaar paya hi nhi, mujhe nhi pata ki kaisa feel hota h jab ek pita apne bete ko apni godh mein leta h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo usse roz school chodne jata h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo usse har problem se bachata h, usse support karta h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo usse life ke asool sikhata h, usse zindagi jeena sikhata h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo apne bete ko har field mein jeetta dekhta h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo apne bete ko cycle sikhata h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo uska haal chaal puchta h? Me and my dad we share a very different relationship, hum toh ek dusre se thk se baat bhi nhi karte. Haan, vo mere har birthday par ek cake aur gift zarur bhej dete hain par usse katne ke liye mere saath nhi hote, ye dekhne ke liye saath nhi hote ki mujhe unka gift pasand aya ya nhi aur agar aya toh mere chehre ki khushi dekhne ke liye vo nhi hote, mujhe kabhi unhone birthday pe call karke wish nhi kia. (By now, manik was in tears and nandini too but nandini has to keep herself strong for manik. She can't be weak in front of him, so, she wiped her tears immediately before manik could see. Nandini was just sitting there and ruffling his hairs to calm him down and also assuring him that he is not alone, she is there for him and this all is needed by manik. He just need nandini's support at that time.) And meri mom? Mom kya nyonika. U know, m kabhi kabhi sochta hoon ki kya vo sach mein meri maa hain? (Nandini felt a lot of pain in his voice and tightened the hold on his hand. Because for every child, mother's love is most important because she is the one who lives with him every moment, take breath with him when he is present in her womb and nandini has lost her parents, so, she can feel manik's pain but still somewhere she has her parent's memories and her parents toh loved her alot both appa and amma because her mother used to tell her that his appa was always by her side during her pregnancy. She felt very bad for manik that he never got love in his childhood.) Kya maa aisi hoti h nandini? Tumhe pata h ki nyonika, she is such a money minded person, she just needs money all the time even if it means to hurt me. She doesn't care. Mujhe nhi pata ki kaisa feel hota h jab ek maa apne bacche ko dil se lagati h, usse apni godhi mein sulati h, usse apna doodh pilati h, kaisa feel hota h jab vo darta h toh maa usse apne aanchal mein kaise chupa leti h, mujhe nhi pata. Maine kabhi feel nhi kia ki kaisa lagta h jab maa bacche ke liye apne haathon se khaana banati h, usse apne haathon se khilati h, usse school ke liye ready karti h, usko pamper karti h, uska har tantrum khushi khushi jhelti h. Mujhe nhi pata kaisa lagta h jab maa apne bacche ko lori gaakar sulati h,  usse apne seene se lagati h, uska birthday special banati h, jab vo bimar padta h, toh kaise uski care karti h, raat-raat bhar uske liye jaagti h, jab chott usse lagti h, toh aansu us maa ke behte hain. Main nhi janta kaisa feel hota h jab maa pyaar se bacche ke baal sehlati h, jab uski khushi ke liye puri duniya se ladd jati h, m nhi janta. Aur janta bhi kaise? Meri mom ke paas toh time hi nhi h, unhe toh sirf paise chahiye. Pata h nandini, me and nyonika, we share a give and take relationship. Agar mujhe kuch chahiye hota h na, toh badle mein mujhe dad se koi property usse dilwani padti h ya dad ke sign kisi papers par lene padte hain. Pata h, jab bachpan mein bhi mujhe kuch chahiye hota tha, toh bhi vo uske liye dad se paise leti thi, mujhe toh lagta h ki 9 mahine apne womb mein rakhne ke liye bhi usne paise liye honge dad se. M hamesha care takers ke saath raha, kisi ko parwah nhi thi maine kuch khaya h ya nhi, soya hua ya nhi, ro toh nhi raha hoon, darr toh nhi raha hoon. Koi nhi tha. Jab m hostel mein tha, tab jab parents apne bacche ke birthday celebrate karne aate the toh mujhe kitna bura lagta tha kyonki meri mom ko toh ye bhi nhi yaad ki mera birthday hota kab h? Bacche ghar aane pe khush hote the aur m ghar aana hi nhi chahta tha kyunki koi hota hi nhi tha mera wait karne wala , mere saath time spend karne wala. Jab m late ho jata tha koi mujhse phone karke nhi puchta tha ki m kahan hoon, thk hoon ya nhi, khana khaya ya nhi? Jab m rota tha, koi mere aansu poonjhne ke liye nhi hota tha, jab m andhere se darta tha, koi nhi hota tha mujhe sambhalne wala ye batane wala ki m akela nhi hoon, vo h mere saath. Koi bhi nhi tha mere saath kabhi bhi. M hamesha akela raha, loneliness bhari zindagi ji. Maine apna pura bachpan kho dia aur nyonika ki vajah se m monster manik ban gaya, usne mujhe believe karaya ki har rishta give and take par bana h, koi kisika nhi h yahan, har rishta khokhla h. (Manik and nandini both were in tears and nandini wipes his tears and gestures him to continue. Now, manik has a beautiful smile on his face.) Then, fab5 meri life mein aya. Hum bhut khush the. Hum friends bane, fir best friends ban gaye. Humne jahan jana saath jana, khoob masti karni, ghumna, enjoy karna, hamesha saath rehna, we became a family and then alia happened to me. (When manik took alia's name, nandini's grip on his hand loosens and she stopped ruffling his hair and manik realising this look towards nandini and nandini knew that manik needs her, so, she gathers herself and started ruffling his hairs again and give him a smile to continue and manik understood her this gesture and felt happy that for nandini only manik's happiness matters the most and she is always there for him but he can't see her sad too, so, to give her strength, he tightens his hold on her hand and keep it on his heart as if indicating her to feel his heartbeat which beats only and only for her, his nandini. Nandini smiles to him, so, he continued.) Alia and me we were very happy. I liked alia, so, dheere dheere we understand each other and after 2 years i confessed to her. We used to spend time with each other, with fab 5. Mujhe life mein kabhi pyaar nhi mila tha, toh maine hamari dosti ko pyaar ka naam de diya, hum sab khush the saath mein. Mere paas fab 5 tha, alia thi par fir bhi m adhoora tha. Haan nandini, m adhoora tha, m dil se khush nhi tha. Pata h jab m bimar padta tha, nyonika mujhe hospital mein admit karwa deti thi aur fab 5 they used to come, meet me and go. Koi mere paas raat mein rukne wala nhi hota tha, koi ye dekhne ke liye nhi hota tha ki kahin mujhe kuch chahiye toh nhi, maine medicines time par li ya nhi, khana khaya ya nhi? Hum sab din mein hamesha saath hote the aur fir raat mein late tak party karte the, uske baad m bilkul akela ho jata tha, koi meri loneliness share karne wala nhi hota tha, tab ye ghar mujhe kaatne ko dodhta tha but mujhe akele rehne ki aadat ho gayi thi. Jab m gussa hota tha ya dard mein hota tha, m kisiko apne kareeb nhi aane deta tha kyunki vo space sirf meri thi par ye bhi sach h mujhe us waqt unki sabse zyada zarurat hoti thi par unhone kabhi try hi nhi kia. Par fir bhi m khush tha, mere paas fab jaise world ke best friends the jo meri care karte the, hamesha mere saath rehte the, mujhe hasate the, alia thi jo mujhse pyaar karti thi, mujh jaise insaan ko aur kya chahiye tha jise life mein kabhi pyaar nhi mila ho, jiski kabhi kisi ne care na ki ho. For me.. it was like ab aur kuch nhi chahiye par fir vo accident hua, alia cliff se gir gayi aur kiski vajah se, meri vajah se. Pehle toh sirf pain mein hi jeeta tha aur tab toh guilt ne bhi mere dil mein jagah bana li aur jab harshad ne bhi mujhe accuse kiya, uske baad toh m aur bhi guilt mein doob gaya. Is guilt ne mujhe kabhi move on karne hi nhi diya. Meri vajah se harshad ne apni behen kho di, mukti ne apni soulie, fab5 ne apni ek member aur maine apna pyaar aur ek friend. Ye guilt har pal ke saath badhta hi gaya aur m aur bhi pain mein jata raha. Fab5 ne mujhe samjhane ki bhut koshish ki, par m kya karta? Ye thought hi ki meri vajah se vo cliff se gir gayi aur hum sabke saath nhi h, is thought ne mujhe na jeene diya aur na hi move on karne diya aur fab 5 ka har member sad ho gaya. Sirf meri vajah se. (But now, a beautiful and peaceful smile came on manik's lips as he think about nandini.) Aur fir, meri life mein tum ayi. Tumne sab kuch badal diya. Tumne hum sabki khushiyan hamein de di. Cabir ko tumme uski doll, uski family mil gayi, mukti ko uski chotti si sis mil gayi, dhruv ko uski friend aur mujhe bhi ek pyaari si dost. (Manik in mind: Nandini, tum sirf meri dost nhi ho, meri jaan ho, mere jeene ki vajah ho, meri zindagi ho, mera pehla aur aakhiri pyaar ho, meri life ho aur ab m sirf tumhara hoon nandini, sirf tumhara. Bas ek baar m fab5 se baat kar loon, fir m tumhe apne dil ki baat bata dunga. Bas kuch din aur fir tum sirf meri hogi aur hum dono saath mein hamesha khush rahenge. I promise m tumhe life ki har khushi dunga, tumhe apni jaan se zyada pyaar karunga, mera wajood sirf aur sirf tumse hoga. bas kuch din aur.) (Nandini smiled listening this, though she was hurt that manik doesn't love her that's why he called her as his friend but still she was happy that somewhere she is there for him and manik is happy and it matters the most to her.)(But again manik's eyes became teary thinking something and nandini notices his moist eyes.)

N: Kya hua manik? Kya soch rahe ho?

M: Nandini, kya m itna bura hoon ki mere parents mujhse bilkul pyaar nhi karte? Kya m itna bura hoon ki m kisi ka pyaar, kisi ki care deserve nhi karta? Kya m itna bura hoon ki mujhe mera childhood jeene tak ka haq nhi mila? Kya m itna bura hoon nandini, ki m life ki koi happiness deserve nhi karta? Kya m itna bura hoon ki meri life mein itna pain h? Kya m itna bura hoon ki mere khud ke parents ke paas mere liye time nhi h? Kya m itna bura hoon ki vo meri itni si bhi care nhi karte? Kya m itna bura hoon nandini? (While saying all this, a lone tear escapes manik's eyes which nandini saw and immediately wiped it off. Though she is staying strong for manik but inside, her heart is crying seeing manik in this much pain, seeing manik thinking himself to be guilty, seeing manik asking her is he that bad that he doesn't deserve any happiness but she knows she has to stay strong for manik, she can't be weak in front of him, she has to become his strength.)

Nandini wipes his tear and made him look in her eyes. Both hold so much pain, manik immediately hugged nandini's waist, nandini also hugged him back and manik snuggles more and more in her stomach to get her warmth and nandini is ruffling his hairs to calm him down. She is breaking down in her heart with every bit seeing manik in so much pain but she has to stay strong for manik who needs her the most right now.

So, finally manik shared all his pain with nandini and now, he is feeling light, he is feeling at peace by sharing all his sorrows, all his pain, all his guilt, all his sadness with the one and only healer of his pain, his heart, his nandini. Let's see that if nandini will be able to answer manik's questions and give him more peace by making his heart believe that he is not at fault at all and if yes, then how.....?

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