Chapter 18 (Part 1)

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(*Note: FEELS ALERT. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ENJOY EMOTIONAL ELIAS click the Youtube link above to listen to the Audiobook Version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen M.) featuring music by Andrew Belle).


He hit me.

He fucking hit me.

And it's not like I didn't expect him to, I just didn't think I'd end up wishing he'd done worse.

I deserve worse than a sucker punch to the stomach and the half-assed glare he's throwing in my direction.

But this might be all he's got.

I brace myself and wait for him to follow through.

To pop the pressure outta his fist and hit me hard enough to take my attention off his girlfriend.

But he doesn't.

He doesn't move.

So I make him. I have to make him. 'Cause at least if he's hitting me, it'll take my mind off her for a little while.

"Nice shot, Kai. Hope you brought your camera 'cause this is about as Kodak as it gets."

Kai grabs me by the back of the neck and shoves his fist inches away from my face. I flash him a shit-eating grin, and he breathes all the air out of his nostrils just to keep from losing it.

"The only thing I want to hear coming out of your mouth right now is an explanation. You've got thirty seconds to tell me why the hell my girlfriend just walked out of your room."

I should tell him the truth. I should give him a play-by-play of everything we did and didn't do last night. But I just keep on smiling instead.

"It's long story. We should probably talk about it when I have some clothes on, don't you think?"

Kai locks his eyes on me one last time, and I watch all that artsy composure shatter to pieces. He snaps. His elbow darts back and his knuckles crash into the side of my face hard and fast.

My mouth tastes like pennies. Blood washes over my tongue to the point where I almost spit out my secrets.

But I swallow them quick.

I have to.

'Cause I can't bring myself to tell Kai what I did with his girlfriend last night.

The thing is, I thought I could control myself.

I thought that I could take her home, drop her off in her room, and ignore the way she was begging me not to leave her alone. But I couldn't.

She pulled me into my room. She pushed me onto bed. Then, she kissed me for hours.

And, I let her.

And she---

She pulled my hands under her dress and pressed my fingers against the softest parts of her till she came apart in my hands.

And, I let it happen.

I let her cheat on her fucking boyfriend.

And I didn't even think twice about it, because I wanted her to.

I wanted her so badly it took everything I had not to let things spiral completely out of control.

And I keep acting like that's a good thing. Like I'm some kind of saint for not having sex with her. But I might as well have. The guilt doesn't feel any different.

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