27th October 2016 All Rights Reserved.
If I could lift my hands and shove a finger in my ears like the kids do when they don't want to hear something I would have.
But I couldn't.
I had to lay there and listen to Reid as he talked to me. I didn't want to hear what he wanted to say nor did I want to listen to Jack either.
My last memories of these two men before this last assault on me was something I wanted to forget. But I couldn't.
They damn well wouldn't let me. The only thing I could do was close my eyes and pretend I was asleep. It was more or less the only peace or reprieve I got from them both.
When Kingsley had told everyone that I had been aware of everything for some time, they all looked at me with questions i their own eyes wondering I suppose what i had heard that they all talked about.
I had The Judge with me when they came to do more tests on me. They were doing this because I couldn't move anything. Not my hands or feet or even my lips. Just my tongue and my eyes.
To find out why, they needed to do some more tests, some of them nasty ones too which I did not like.
So a day of testing was what I had to put up with, the main one was an EEG. (An electroencephalogram (EEG) is a test that detects electrical activity in your brain using small, flat metal discs (electrodes) attached to your scalp. Your brain cells communicate via electrical impulses and are active all the time, even when you're asleep.)
And so it was that by dinner time that the specialists all came to see me with the Judge sitting by my side after having everyone else being made to leave the room leaving just us alone with the doctors.
" Sarah. We found a few things to help us understand what is now happening. What you have is what is called an ABI. An Aquired Brain Injury which resulted from the blows to your head when you were assaulted." They started to tell me which I have to admit scares me a little since I have never heard of it before.
Then the doctors went on to tell me a little about this ABI.
"ABI is often referred to as a 'hidden disability' because it is not always obvious, especially among people who have mild or moderate physical disability. However, it can result in significant restrictions on an individual's ability to participate fully in education, employment and other aspects of life. Relationships with families, friends and carers can also be affected by personality and behavioural changes. The complex and diverse needs of people with ABI can create challenges for disability support services as well as the general service system." One of them was saying, but it didn't answer for me what it means for me personally.
I turned my eyes to The Judge and blinked at her.
Since she was quick to notice me doing that now she knows I can comminicate, she was quick to lift a hand to stop the others from talking.
"Same as before Sarah. One blink for yes, two blinks for no. All right?" She asked me as she looked at me.
"Do you have a question about what the doctors just said?" She asked me.
I blinked once at her then watched as she was thinking I suppose about what to next ask me. It took a little time when we spoke like this, but it was the only way I could do it.
"Does your question have anything to do with your inability to move at the moment?" She went on to ask me as I looked at her carefully.
I blinked once.
"All right. This makes it a little easier to ask further questions. Now.. Are you wanting to know why you can't move at the moment?" She asked me.
I blinked once at her.
"Okay. But.. do you also want to know what will happen with you,physically, in the future?" She asked me which I think was the main question I really wanted to know.
I blinked back at her once.
I am so glad that she knows me well enough to ask the questions I am most likely wanting to know the answers to.
Then I watched as she turned to the doctors and looked at them with a raised brow.
"What we need to do is begin treating Sarah.." One of the doctors said before another one interrupted him.
"Sarah, from where we stand, we need to begin treating you as if you have just had a stroke and the therapy you will be needing will be the same as a stroke vicitm needs." This other doctor said as he looked at me to speak and not to The Judge instead.
"Tomorrow, we'll be back with a couple of thereapists who will discuss with you what strategies that will need to be put in place to get you back on your feet." That other doctor said which had me thinking of another question.
"And before you ask, the answer is no. It won't be an instant fix. The therapy and treatment will be long time. If it all goes well, we could have you sitting up and holding a cup in maybe twelve months from now. That's how long term this is going to be." He went on to say before I could ask.
But I wondered about being able to speak.
"What about her speech. When can we see an improvement in that area?" The Judge went on to ask as I felt her pat my hand.
"That's another unknown. Sarah's injuries are all complex because of what she suffered. She had the two skull fractures and pressure on the brain also with that small brain bleed. All three have caused this. It's going to take small steps to start with. But we will get you there Sarah. The day will come when you will be standing on your feet able to do a few things for yourself." He said as he smiled at me.
Long term treatment just to do a few things. I looked at The Judge again.
" Will she eventually be a fully functioning independent woman able to care for herself like she did prior to her injuries?" She asked the doctors who all then looked at each other before looking back at me and The Judge.
"It is highly unlikely that you will be one hundred percent back to where you were before. But we can tell you that fifty percent is where most of our patients get to. But you will never be able to do what you did before. I'm sorry Sarah. But you won't." He said with a sad smile as he patted my shoulder.
I felt some tears leak out of my eyes at hearing that.
They had basically told me that I would never be able to live a normal life ever again. I would need help all the time just to do simple things like wipe my own damn arse or clean my own teeth.
I'm not even twenty years old and I can't burden the rest of my life like this on anyone alse. And I won't.
I blinked at The Judge again letting her know that I wanted to talk to her on my own.
She ushered all the doctors out with a smile thanking them for their assistance.
When she came back to me, she leaned over me to ask one more question.
"Do I need to make this next conversation a legal one with Roger involved?" She asked me which had me blink just the once to her.
A moment later, Roger was there setting up the ipad along with another camera recorder which will clearly show the questions and answers that I needed to ask.
It wasn't until well after dinner when we were finished with our little chat and they allowed the others to come back in to visit with me.
I think it was a no brainer that something medically had happened and they wanted to know about it, but The judge held them off. It has been a very exhausting day and I know that the next few were going to be worse.
Life as I knew it was going to be completely changed for me from now on.
YOU ARE READING
Too Ugly To TameChickLit
He called me feral. I was too wild. I was too ugly to tame and too ugly to love. The only friend I had was his son Jack, who I felt had a kindred spirit like mine. We both were wanting to roam free and to explore the world around us. Even if it w...