Manar Osama - 10 Turquoise: Stop!

15 1 0

Living a normal life was what it seemed to be, yet I didn't believe my life was ordinary. Happy - that's what everyone thought of me, but sometimes I would wish to quit pretending. Sometimes I ask myself what will happen if I stop the lies I sent to the world. Sometimes, I wish I could be open about my feelings, and open my heart and pour it out. Where is the key though? And if one day I had it in my hands, would I have the courage to spill my secrets?

A million voices are what I hear every day, fighting for dominance inside my brain. My past and my memories whisper to me. My securities remind me of what I want to erase. I know that my past defines me, yet I would gladly crumble it and throw it away. Can I ever forget? Can they ever leave?

My demons are different, though. I've never heard them whisper. All I hear is their shouting, urging me to corrupt the world. The corruption never went out. On the contrary, it stayed within me and ruined me. They talked to me every day, showing me the little things in me that made me feel even worse about myself: Ugly, coward, disgusting, unwanted.

The motherly voice inside me never failed to make me relaxed. In most days, it gets lost in the mess called my brain. I look for it every day and when I find it, it assures me that everything will be okay. Sadly. like a gentle breeze, it swiftly leaves.

Every time I'm around anyone, I secretly hope that they would look into my eyes and see what I can't utter. I want them to get lost in those orbs that hold mysteries. I cry for help but no one hears me. That's when I realize I'm on my own. That's when I realize that my only savior is myself. "Am I strong enough?" I ask myself, yet this time nobody assures me, not even the motherly voice inside my head. And that is how the question stays lingering, waiting for an answer, but I can't find one.

They say time heals what's broken,yet that's a lie. With time, the voices inside my head became moreoverwhelming, eating bits of my soul with every day that passes. "Stop!" Iyell, holding my head fiercely. "Stop, I beg you" I whispered more quietly now.I didn't even realize I was crying until I looked at myself. I was exhausted.Enough was enough. They wouldn't stop, so I had to stop them. Finally, I didit. I felt my soul getting pulled away. Contrary to belief, I didn't see light.I just saw darkness, but guess what? I was relaxed. They were gone. Simplygone.    

VERBUM II - Senior Magazine 2016Read this story for FREE!