British Bird - Complete

British Bird - Chapter Twenty

British Bird
Chapter Twenty
Sang

Luke's eyes widen and I pick up my t-shirt, slipping it back on before pulling up my trousers. "You did?"

"Yes."

"But why?" Victor asks. "If the thought of us, Johnny, and Cara sent you into such a spiral—a spiral that causes you to harm, starve and almost kill yourself—then why would you change your name to one of the biggest reminders you could think off?"

"Honestly, I don't know." I wrap my arms around my legs as those who stood up, sit back down. "It was just something I had to do, and in a way, it helped. Even though I had let you all go, a part of me hoped that you would come here or I could come to you. The reason I never have is because of social services; I can't leave the country until I'm twenty one when I'm officially out of their care. And because of college—I couldn't walk away when I'm so close to the end."

I pause, shrugging a shoulder like it's no big deal. "And, maybe, because I was petrified that you would tell me to leave and to not come back."

"How did you get through all this?" Sean asks. "Overcoming such...tragedy."

"The picture, the one in my room of you all," I admit. "And the reminder that there is a someday; a someday where I would find happiness again, to feel the high that only you had given me. Even though I knew that it might never be you I'd experience such a high of happiness with, I still hoped."

"It helped that I'm training to become a therapist," I continue. "I used a lot of techniques I learned from the therapist I saw when I was with Cara and Johnny, and what I had learned through college. Reminder stickers, small notes to myself of what I would like out of my life. The best parts of my life." I rub at my face with my hand, at the tears that still trickle. "If you had came here three months ago, you would have seen them. I tend not do it anymore."

"Why did you stop doing it?" Silas asks.

"One day I just started feeling better. I felt good about myself, how my life was. One by one the stickers started disappearing until there were none left," I tell him.

The silence stretches as we all get lost in thought. I wonder what they're thinking, but then realise I'm not sure I want to know. I lay my head back on the beanbag and close my eyes.

"Sang?"

"Hmm?" I reply, eyes still closed as exhaustion hits me.

"What does this mean for us; I mean, right now?" Gabriel asks.

My lips curl up sleepily. If I'm honest; I don't know yet. I just want to enjoy them being here, and to try and move forward. Where that will leave us in just over a week's time, I don't know yet. I just need to take one step a time, hopefully in the right direction. "It means the fridge can stay."

Laughter hits my ears, and I finally succumb to sleep, letting my dreams drag me under.

Flashback – Thirteen Years Old

The catwalk fashion show turned out to be a fun activity full of laughter. Gabriel changed the songs to the cheesiest ones he could think of, and myself and Cara owned that hallway with our new clothes and poses. The guys, Uncle, and Johnny kept cheering us on, and when Cara and I started dancing, Luke and Gabriel got up to dance with us.

I smiled, I laughed, and I had fun. Another high of happiness on the ever growing list.

Now we're sitting in the den watching a movie, after stuffing ourselves with pizza and chips. I even had a little bit of salad to please North. He's a vegetable health freak, something I hadn't realised until tonight.