12/15/13

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I thought I would do this entry differently I guess...memories have been coming back to me and I need to get it out.

Dear Zach,                                                                                                                                                                       I'm sorry I messed everything up. I'm  sorry you hate how I complain about my problems all the time but I guess you just didnt understand I needed someone, which was you and I still do. I'm sorry that I fed off of your attention, I just needed to feel like someone wanted to talk to me. I'm sorry I talk about killing myself. You just dont understand that when I do its becase I'm ready to. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being in love with you. I'm sorry for not being enough for you. I'm sorry that I mess everything up. I'm sorry that I'm ready to give up and have no one. I'm sorry for being the ugly, fat, worthless, stupid, annoying, irritating girl who needed you but you didnt care. I'm sorry I cant seem to let go of you. Its hard to forget the first one you fell in love with...even after they made you feel worse about yourselft than you already do. If you could only see what you have done to me. I'm a mess. I'm hide from everyone just wanting it all to end. I just want to end it, end everything. I want to fall asleep and never wake up again. I've lost all hope. I put on a fake smile everyday hoping to not annoy anyone with my problems. I'm not like I used to be, a fun girl who didnt really care anymore. Now look at me. I'm terrified to go out in public or school. I dont even hang out with anyone anymore. I'm afraid now....afraid of being hurt. I wish I could say this to you now, but you want nothing to do with me. So I'm left here, crying and shaking, just wanting to tell you how much I miss you and how much I love you and that I'm sorry. I cant though. You dont even like the thought of me being alive. But most importantly I'm sorry for apoligizing, I cant seem to please you, even by saying sorry I irritate you.

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