The situation

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Harry's P.O.V.

It's hard when you love someone you can't. I guess it would be easier if I didn't see him everyday and if he wasn't dating one of my good friends and if he wasn't straight. But life isn't fair. Another thing about me is I was diagnosed with depression at age 14 but I have always self harmed since I was 12. Only the boys know but my mum knows about my depression. When I first told the boys they were all upset. I told them there was nothing they could do about it and it's just the way I am. Louis is like that to. But he's only ever told me. Maybe that's why were close. Sometimes when Eleanor isn't there we cuddle and cry. I help him clean his cuts and he does the same for me. Louis doesn't self harm as much as me. I'm about everyday he's more like one a week. I use to be really bad and get high a lot but all the boys say me down once and we had a serious talk. I just find no joy in life anymore but I love the people around me to much to let it go.

Eleanor and I are really good friends. So many people look at her with disgust but honestly after the boys she is one of my closest friends. One time back in early 2011 I went home after xfactor to see some old friends. One of my good friends told me that a girl that's he's friends with from uni wanted to meet me so I let her tag along. Instantly I knew she was perfect for Louis. I still liked him but he had just called things off with Hannah and she was perfect to fill the place.

Eleanor is such and amazing girl. She accepts Louis so much and I'm so glad to see him happy. He probably wouldn't be happy with me anyways. But if he would be happier with her that's what I want. him happy. People think Eleanor is mean but if Louis wasn't dating her I would probably go for her as well. She understands his and mine depression and like the rest of the boys she knows it's wrong to try to stop us and that it's just the way we are.

So basically Louis and I both struggle with depression. I love him and have ever since I meant him. I've never told anyone. Ever. But lately it's been eating me up to much. I think I'm going to tell Lou. I'm close to her and basically I tell her everything.

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