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Pen Your Pride

Brandon's P.O.V.

I gave into Alex's hug. His embrace was warm and loving, almost like a mother's love. I then let my tears go and he cried along with me. After 2 minutes of solid crying, we calmed ourselves down and we went back to Ronan's room.

I examined Alex a bit as we walked through the halls. I tried to see what he was thinking, but his face was hard to read. I could tell he was upset; that story he told us surely wasn't easy to tell a whole class of strangers in his eyes.

Once we entered the room, all of the students in there all came in an gave Alex a group hug. I decided to go along with them. Alex held back his tears as we all gave him encouraging words. There was one person who didn't give Alex a hug, and it was Jake.

He sat in his seat of the desk just staring at us. His eyes were still watery from before. He blinked them constantly, and from knowing Jake from middle school that means he was trying not to cry and to keep his cool. Ridiculous.

"Thanks, guys,"

Alex spoke to us all.

We all just said no problem and then the last bell of the school day rang and we all got our stuff. Alex just went to a seat and sat down. I was curious, but I also had to catch my bus. I left the classroom and I walked to my locker.

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Alex's P.O.V.

I went to a seat and sat down as all the other students left the school. I just needed time alone to think.I realized i wasn't alone when Ms. Ronan came over to me in concern.

"Are you ok, Alex? I know you were just having a rough time..."

Ms. Ronan said while sitting next to me.

"I'm fine,"

I said almost in my girl voice but I prevented myself at the last second. I then got up and I left Ms. Ronan in confusion.

I completely passed everyone, including Nancy, who tried to stop me in the hallway. I'll deal with her later; I just needed time to think alone. Like 100% alone. One I opened the doors of the school, I just started walking with no destination.

I soon came across a forrest. It looked like the forrest that was across from my house when I lived in South Dakota. Without hesitating, I climb over the fence and I find a place to sit.

In the middle of the forrest I found a tree stump. I sat on it and started crying. This day was too rough. I couldn't take it. I searched through my bag to find something important: my razor.

This blade has been with me all throughout the 3 so far treacherous years of high school. By now, it was sort of a sentimental thing and I could get rid of it. I used it when I was sad, mostly, or any time my emotions got to me. I just had to use it now. I roll up my sleeves and I get to business.

The cold blade pierces through my skin as I glide it across my wrist. The pain was both horrendous but satisfying. Once one cut was down, my body was begging for more. Before the blade touches my bare skin again, I hear rustling of the leaves from the trail of the forrest.

"Alex?"

I hear a male voice. It was Jake. Great. I pull up my sleeve to cover my fresh cut that was oozing blood.

"What are you doing?"

He comes in the sunlight to examine me. He looked so beautiful.

"Um, you know, just thinking..."

"What do you have their?" 

Jake spoke to me like I was some sort of little kid. He probably thinks I'm a whiney whip. Oh no he's not going to think that. I threw my blade in my bag that was behind me and I got to business. 

"None of your business, dude, just leave me alone!"

After I spoke that, I saw him come over to me. No like seriously, get away! I obviously couldn't say that to him, but I can't let him see my arm. I've cut many times, and I know that eventually the blood was going to seep through my red sweatshirt. I had to make him leave. Now.

"I'm not five, I could deal with a rough day on my own..."

All of a sudden, I see him go and kiss me. Before our lips could touch, I hear Ms. Ronan calling my name.

"ALEX!" 

My dream moment disappears and I find my head flying up from laying on top of the desk. I see Ms. Ronan in front of me as I open my eyes slightly. Ew the afternoon light was so damn strong.

"Are you ok?"

Ms. Ronan stared at me. I rubbed my eyes and fixed my hair. Wait, I didn't have my long hair anymore. I just put my arms down as she stared at me in a creepy way.

"Yeah... I'm just... Tired." 

I finally get out as I yawned. I then got up, went to the parking lot, called my mom to pick me up, and then I walked to a quiet spot alone. 

That dream... It was so realistic. It felt like I was really in South Dakota; I smelled the fresh wood and pine needles. They were always soothing sounds when I was alone. Whenever I was said, I went into the woods and wished for my life to get better. What would usually happen was that I would cut myself, which is what I did in my dream. 

Jake was there too... Why? Did I really have that big of feelings towards him? All I know is that a dream is a wish your heart makes, and maybe my heart really wanted Jake. What can I do now? I'm a boy.. I guess I'm going to have to deal with it. 

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