I miss you. More than I should.
I really thought I was over you. I swore I was done thinking about you 24/7 and silently praying for you to just text me again.
But then I saw you today. I was my locker, grabbing my French textbook, when I saw you walking down the hallway. I know you were on your way to science, the room around the corner from my locker.
I looked up, to see if Katie left without me. We always walk to French together, since it's the one class we actually have together.
As I scanned the hallway for her, my eyes instantly met. It was like a scene in the movies, there was nobody else in the hallway but us. I know we were both late to class already and that I should've been hurrying, but I was frozen in that spot. Looking you in the eyes for the first time in forever, the all too familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach came back.
I was almost angry at myself. I'm supposed to be over you. But my heart still flutters when you look at me, even though that's something people only say in cheesy romance movies.I guess I forgot that you could still give me butterflies, since it's been so long since we've looked at each other, much less even talked.
Your green eyes shone under the fluorescent lights of the hallway. The same green eyes I fell in love with. Looking into them at that moment, I realized how much of a stranger you've become. For all of forty-five seconds, we just looked each other in the eyes, straight faces, not saying anything. And then you turned the corner.
Snapping out of the spell you seemed to have put me under, I quickly shut my locker and headed to French, forgetting about Katie. All throughout French I couldn't think of anything else besides you. I even so far as to made a scenario in my head of what would've happened if this had been two months ago, when you actually liked me.
You would have been speed walking towards my locker, towards me. I would look over and smile at getting to see you again. You'd come and lean your shoulder on the locker next to mine, a small smile on your lips that brings out the adorable dimple in your cheeck and we would talk about nothing and just enjoy each others company. Then you'd walk me to French, risking a late slip from science just for me.
Just like we used to.
I wonder if you were thinking of those times too. I wonder if you miss them as much as I do. Why didn't you say hi? We were the only ones in the hallway and it was kind of awkward, just staring at each other like we're strangers.
I don't even know why it bothers me so much that you didn't say anything. I'm just somebody that you used to know. Why would you say hi to someone you haven't even spoken to in months?
It's better that you didn't say anything, now that I think about it. You acknowledging me would have instantly shot up my hope and made me believe that you remember me. Maybe even that you miss me. I would have instantly convinced myself that everything in our past is gone, and we can start over again.
I wish I didn't miss you this much. I know you don't even miss me anymore. And I know I'm done with getting my hopes up over you, but when you looked at me today, a tiny little bubble of hope floated to surface in me.
I remember everything you did that hurt me. Why should I even want you back? You've been a complete asshole to me. I'm ashamed of myself because I've cried over you.
I just miss you a lot.
YOU ARE READING
Dear JasonTeen Fiction
Lola Green was done with boys. They were all the same; jerks. She was done with broken promises, done crying over them at night, and done caring. At least, until she met Jason.