Chapter 1- Hopelessness, Absence, and Thought.

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A/N: I know I haven't written in a long time and this probably sucks but it'll get better as I continue. I also promise to not give up on this one. I write for fun and I don;t care if I'm absolutely rubbish but whatever, okay?

IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASILY OR ARE AGAINST THE GAY I SUGGEST YOU JUST TURN AROUND AND STOP READING NOW. 

Picture of Aaron on the side. 

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I opened my eyes and the cold realization that I was still here, slowly began to sink in. I laid in my bed for twenty minutes, maybe forty. I wasn't keeping track. I didn't care what time it was or how much time I wasted. My eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Except I couldn't see the ceiling, I could only see dark. I stared at it anyways. It was nice not knowing what you're seeing or not knowing at all what's there.

  I managed to pull myself out from under the covers and sit at the end of the bed. It was Saturday. October the eleventh to be exact. I glanced over at my old alarm clock, the red numbers read 10:15. I was going to be late if I didn't start getting ready, as I got up and walked to the bathroom the creaking door and floorboards automatically made me regret getting up. I regretted most things I did though, so I shook it off easily. I ran the water lukewarm, then started the shower. I looked into the mirror to see my blue eyes looking back at me. My dark black hair was set perfectly to look like Edward Cullen's, after realizing the disaster I ran my fingers through it making it fall onto my pale white face. I shook my head and stripped down, stepping into the small shower, letting the smooth water soak my lanky body. After being completely wet, I turned the taps to make the water freezing. It left a chill running down my spine, but it soon began to give me the numbing and piercing feeling I so much desired. 

I had slipped into a pair of black skinny jeans and a dark grey hoodie which featured a silhouette of Chicago's buildings. I shook my fingers through my slightly wet-but-dry-enough-to-look-casual hair then pulled a hat over my head and headed downstairs. I took a deep breath before walking through the living room to get to the kitchen, which held my older brother, James. He was sitting on the couch flicking through TV channels and shoving crisps into his mouth. I quickly walked through and entered the dirty kitchen. I grabbed the coffee pot, filled it with water, and set the timer for it to go off in 15 minutes. I knew I'd be late at this point. I rolled my eyes then headed back into the living room. Theres was a note taped to the doorway, it read;

  " My dearest sons,

I've left you each 20 dollars and extra money for gas, I have to go

on an unexpected business meeting. I'll be home at noon tomorrow.

Be good, I love you both <3

  Love,

Mom"

I decided to leave the note where it was, I knew James hadn't seen it and if he did he took my money too. I slowly walked back to the living room, and sat down on the laz-y-boy causing the old, dark brown leather chair to creak. I cringed as James turned back to look at me, I waved. Which for us was my way of saying; 'hi' "good morning' and 'bye' and in this case, I was saying 'I'm sorry I disturbed you, but hi'. He examined me from head to toe, I don't know what he was looking for but I also did the same for him. I looked at his short blonde hair, his broad face, his morning shadow, his baggy t-shirt, and his pajama pants. He looked like he usually did. I guess he felt the same way for me because we ended up having awkward eye contact. He repositioned himself to face me, then stared me down. Staring contest, he'd test me with them all the time to try to get a smile out of me, or something, any emotion, whether it would be frustration, or anything other than my blank expression I held. After about 45 seconds he blinked and rubbed his eyes. I blinked too, then watched without expression on my face. 

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