Another fucking sleepless night. At least I didn't have nightmares this time, but I need to get some sleep. I look around and Normani and Ally are still sleeping. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can actually feel my soul shrinking. Every breath I take is a battle against my willingness to die, and I don't think I can keep fighting for much longer. Somehow I stopped crying, I guess I ran out tears or something. I don't feel like getting up, I just want to stay in bed, where I can be miserable without trying to pretend I'm not completely dead inside. Fuck you Camila Cabello, you ruined my life. But, after all she's the reason I started being happy in the first place, she made me smile when I needed it the most, she held my hand when I was scared, she made me feel beautiful when I hated myself, she made me who I am today and I can't blame this depression on her, it wouldn't be fair. I close my eyes one more time and try to get some sort of sleep, but a knock on the door ruined my moment. "Mani, are you up? I need to borrow your curling iron, mine isn't working." I hear Camila whispering against the door. I get out of bed, open the door and there she was, in her pink onsie, a messy bun and tired eyes. "Oh, hey." She says looking at the floor. "Did I wake you up? I'm really sorry." She adds and lifts her head. "Oh, no, I was already up, don't worry about it." I answer. Technically you have to be asleep for someone to wake you up. "Just grab whatever you need, I'm sure Normani won't mind." I tell her forcing a smile and then I jump back into my bed. She can't just show up like that, I wasn't expecting to see her and that made my brains fucking explode. Camila walks into our bathroom, grabs Mani's curling iron and then walks back to the door. "Thank you Lo." She says softly and closes the door behind her. I feel like crying again, but I have no tears left, just a never ending ache on my chest.
Wow, I just talked to Lauren. Shit, my heart has gone completely crazy. I hadn't realized how much her face has changed. She looks so tired, her eyes are red and swollen all the time and the bags under her eyes are huge. Don't get me wrong, she still looks like the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but I hate to think that I'm the reason she looks so wrecked. Today we have a huge performance on Good Morning America and I'm freaking out. Normally Lauren would calm me down, but I guess I'm on my own now. Music used to be my everything, whenever I was down singing could always make me feel better, but not anymore. Not even music can heal my broken heart. I've realized my heart isn't really broken, it's shattered into a billion pieces. And the little pieces hate eachother, so there's no way they're getting back together. That's how I feel right now, I've lost all hopes of being happy ever again. But, I have to force my best smile and pretend I'm okay, even if my world has torn apart. Today is huge for our careers and I need to focus, I have no time for self pitty and crying.
The girls and I are on our way to the studio doing vocal warm-ups. Camila looks so cute. Whenever we're close I can inmediately feel her scent, I fill up my lungs and just for a second everything seems to get better. "Guys, I'm so nervous right now, I'm going to screw-up." Camila says from the back of the van. I turn and look at her. As soon as our eyes connect she looks away. Are we ever getting our friendship back? I'm so tired of being on my own.
We just got to the studio and my heart is beating the hell out of my chest. I feel my phone buzz.
Good luck today Mila, you're going to rock it! I love you baby, I've been thinking about you all day<33
I don't feel like replying, I don't want to talk to anyone. The only voice I want to hear right now is Lauren's, but that's not happening because she fucking hates me. And I don't blame her, I hate me too. "Camila, we're ready to go on stage." I hear our manager calling me and my hands start to sweat. Why am I even nervous? I love the stage, I love connecting with our fans and showing the world our music. And sharing this amazing journey with my best friends is incredible, but right now I feel so alone and unhappy I don't feel like performing anymore, I actually don't feel like doing anything at all. I take a deep breath and walk towards the other girls. Lauren's hand softly brushes mine and suddenly I'm not that nervous anymore. We walk on stage and I pray to God I don't screw this up for them.
"When its just me and my girls..." Camila turns at me and holds my hand like we always do at the of Me and My Girls. Electricity, that's all I felt when our hands touched. The crowd was screaming, I felt the music in my bones, and for the first time in a long time I felt happy. "Thank you so much for having us, we love y'all!" Ally screams and the crowd goes crazy. "Now, the girls are going to answer some fan questions, are you guys ready?" The host asks us and we nod smiling. "Lets do this!" Dinah says and the crowd laughs. "Okay, so this first question is from @Camilaismyqueen and she wants to know if you guys stalk your fan accounts." We all laugh at the question. "Oh my God, we do that all the time! Like literally, I spend hours on Twitter checking these accounts and you guys are so funny, we love you!" Camila responds, she's so sweet! "@5Hforlife wants to know... Well I don't understand this question... I guess its a fandom thing or something, but she wants to know what happened in the elevator." The crowd gasps and then they start laughing. I look at Camila and she's uncomfortable as hell. "Well, we can't really tell you guys..." I say and they all boo me. "Oh, come on Lauren, they want to know." The host insists. I see a tear run down Camila's cheek, but she quickly wiped it off before anyone noticed. "Nothing happened in the elevator, we were just joking around." I say and the host rolls her eyes. I'm not about to talk about that infront of everyone, specially now that Camila and I are like this. I just want this God damn interview to end.
"Nice job out there ladies." Our manager tells us backstage. I'm so happy its all over, I'm exhausted and I just want to go home. Lauren handled the elevator question like a pro, for a second I thought she was going to reveal our little secret. I guess she doesn't hate me that much. "Hey Camila can you take the mics to the deposit, Lauren is there putting the chairs away." Normani asks me and I nod, I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. I walk to this huge room with the mics in my hands and leave them on a stand. Lauren is pilling up the chairs we used when we performed Red earlier, I almost broke down and cried during that performance when Lauren sang her last solo, it was beautiful. Suddenly the door closes. We look at eachother for a second and Lauren walks to the door. She tries to turn the door nob, and then she looks at me. "Hey Camila, I can't open the door." Is she for real? I try to open it as well, and I fail. "Fuck..." I mumble and Lauren lifts her eyebrows. "I'm going to call Normani." She adds and takes out her phone. "You've got to be fucking kidding me, there's no signal." Lauren says groaning. "I need to get out of here, I can't..." I start saying but Lauren's voice interrupts me. "I'm sorry, but I guess we're stuck."
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Those Eyes (Camren, Camaustin fanfic)Fanfiction
Camila and Lauren have been best friends ever since Fifth Harmony started, but now that Camila has a new love interest, will they realize they have been more than best friends for a while? Or will they choose to shut down their feelings and pretend...