Chapter 14

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Elizabeth's POV 

I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling fan, wondering what in the hell I am supposed to do next. I like Charlie. I love Liam. I like Charlie. I love Liam. The problem is that I know that Charlie likes me back, but I don't know if Liam still loves me. Every time I see him in the hall he's holding hands with that girl..and I get so jealous. I don't like the idea of his lips on hers, I don't like the idea of her head on his shoulder. I wonder if when he sees me and Charlie he feels the same. I just can't bring myself to believe it. "You don't deserve him." "You're not nearly as pretty as Holly." "Stop imagining because it's never gonna happen again. You ruined your chances." "He doesn't want you." "You're stupid. Worthless."  I've been getting worse and I know that one day, my demons will win. I don't think I can do it without him. 

Music is my only escape other than cutting which I've been trying really hard not to do lately. It doesn't seem to help. And when I think about music it only leads me to think about him. His voice, his beautiful voice that has so much power to it. Every song I listen to I imagine his voice singing it. The song that I've found would sound absolutely exquisite if he covered is Wonderwall. So I put in my ear buds and sing along to block out the sound of my own terrifying thoughts. 

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you. By now, you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. 

This song describes Liam and I's situation perfectly. No one can feel the way I feel about him. Not Trinity, not the new girl he has now, not any of the girls that constantly follow him around at school, not anyone. The word on the street that the fire in your heart is out. This couldn't be more accurate. But the word is not on the street, yet in my head. My thoughts keep persuading me into believing that he doesn't care anymore. And I'm hearing it and I've never really had a doubt that he didn't until now.  

And all the roads we have to walk are winding. And all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me, and after all you're my wonderwall. 

All of these paths that we've been thrown onto are chaotic and the ways that our minds or maybe just my mind are convincing us to go are just as confusing. And there are so, SO many things I want to tell him. But I can't get up enough courage to.

First of all, I want to tell him that I miss him. I want to go in great detail about how hard it has been for me to go to bed at night knowing I won't be woken up by him in the morning. I won't hear his voice, or feel his touch. Secondly, I want to tell him that I love him. That I love him with every fiber in my being and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I want to cry and feel his strong arms embrace me in a hug that will last forever. Lastly, I want to tell him that I never ever meant to hurt him. I would never do that on purpose and I want him to know that. I want him to see it in my eyes because I know with just one look at me he can tell the mood I'm in. Just by my eyes. With just one touch by me he feels sparks. That overwhelming feeling. The adrenaline that runs through his veins and the chill bumps that cover his body. I know he feels them too. He has too; he's my wonderwall. 

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you. By now, you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now. And all the roads that lead you there were winding. And all the lights that light the way were blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. I said maybe, you're gone be the one that saves me. And after all you're my wonderwall. I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.You're gonna be the one that saves me. You're gonna be the one that saves me. 

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