Can I Live Without Him (I Can't Live Without Him Epilogue)

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Liam stood waiting to see if Zayns family would let him in to see him. He hadn’t so far but he really needed to see him, because if he wasn’t going to get better Liam needed to go through with his plan.

He licked his lips they were dry and cracked. He could feel his body slowly sinking down, he was sat on the floor and his arms were wrapped round his legs. His breaths were becoming shaky and uncontrolled. He was getting closer and closer to having a panic attack. He started to zone out, his thoughts all about when he saw Zayn laying there covered in his own blood.

He closed his eyes but all he could see was Zayn, the blood coating the tub and his skin. He hadn’t slept since that night, due to the fact that he could only see Zayn. It was like it was tattooed on the inside of his eyelids. He could feel tears falling down his face again, he really didn’t think he had any more tears left to fall but apparently he did and they were burning his face as they fell.

They were for Zayn and the fact that it was definitely his fault that Zayn was here. He was here because Liam just knew he wasn’t strong enough and all he could do was hate himself for it. He scrubbed his hands over his freshly shaven head and looked over at the door, wishing that Zayns family would just let him to see him.

Hearing the door open, his head sprang up and made an awful cracking noise that just seemed to echo. He looked franticly at the person at the door and was surprised by the soft look he received from a woman he could only see hating him. She had pretty much told him so, when he had ended things with Zayn.

Looking up at her with puppy dog eyes that he hoped would get him into see Zayn, he opened his mouth to speak but instead had arms thrown round him. Frowning he looked to the side to see Zayns mum, he could feel her tears soaking into his shirt and her body shaking with tears. He kept his mouth shut, now knowing that by talking he would only make it worse and just held the small woman against him. Even when they were crouched down on the floor in a middle of the hospital, no one looked at them and no one said a word when they saw a woman clutching a teenage boy and crying into his neck.

He felt her start to pull back, so loosening his hold and just looking at her he didn’t let another tear fall from his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he went to ask her something and instead was met with a sharp pain to his left cheek and a growl. Clutching his cheek and swallowing the bitter taste of the blood that was flooding his taste buds, he looked at her.

“I would say thank you, but I can’t! This is your fault! My son wouldn’t have done this! It is YOUR fault that he is lying in that bed!” she pointed towards the door, where Liam could just see the white sheets on the bed with the shape of Zayn under them, “He would be at home! And not almost dead!” Her face was white but her cheeks held so much colour, he looked away and sighed softly.

Looking back up at her he finally spoke, even though his lips were cracked and raw. “I know. I know he is here and it’s my fault.” He took a shuddery breath, “If I was stronger he would be okay. I’m sorry.” He said, forcing the tears to not fall.

“Sorry…SORRY! You’re sorry! Well tough!” She said screaming at him and Liam just sat there taking it. He knew it wasn’t good enough. He knew he wasn’t good enough but he was going to sit here until he found out what was going to happen to Zayn.

He needed to know. He needed to know whether or not he was ever going to see him again. He needed to know so he could decide what he was going to do.

He stood there as she shook him, hit him and screamed. None of it really doing much. He just stood staring at the door. He can’t even remember standing up. His feet start to move under him and he stumbles. He can feel cool hands on him trying to pull him back.

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