Monday 16th December 2013:

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Number #214 - Standing Ovations;

I shouldn't have to hate standing ovations. But good lord do I ever. Tony Blair, when addressing the US Congress received 19 standing ovations during his 32 minute speech. George Bush received 6 in the first six minutes of the last state of the union address. A standing ovation is meant to be reserved for the best of the best. This should automatically exclude the following from receiving them:

1) all school productions (I've seen your kids, they're not that cute)

2) speeches by presidents who say "nukular"

3) concerts from local musicians

4) amateur plays. Most performers and speakers aren't that good

And you devalue those who are when you arbitrarily dish out standing ovations. I propose that everybody get a lifetime quota of three ovations that they can bestow on performers. No more. It might make people think twice before they stand up and start clapping like idiots for a kid hitting a fucking tambourine.

Yours sincerely,

The Big Bad Bastard.

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