Walls

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I stared around at the white walls as the bright shades of blue streaked across it, bleeding into the wall. Do you think that makes sense? No? Good, because I don't think it makes sense either. The shades were purple, of course.

My name is Ella.

I held out my hand, and the bird flew out of the trees replacing the plain white walls and made its perch on my finger. I smiled, and the little brown bird sang beautifully. I watched as the soft rays of sunlight split through the trees and landed on the rest of the foliage, and I took a deep breath and then breathed out. My sudden breath startled the little bird, and then it flew off to hide back in the endless forest. I rocked back and forth on my heels, the leaves beneath my feet crunching. I spun around, twirling on the tip of my foot, watching the green blur go faster and faster.

The moment I stopped I was back in the plain white room again. I sighed, and grabbed the sharpie from my jean pocket. I reached up and wrote in my neat handwriting, 'I once was a girl of happy endings and magic, but I realize now that it's truly just stuff of fairytales.'

I like to write these poems, the walls were once filled with them, but then the ink was swallowed by the wall and made room for new poems. Confused yet? Don't worry, sometimes I don't even understand myself. It's alright.

You are looking into the mind of a mentally ill eighteen year old girl, who sees the imaginable and dreams the impossible. That's what I actually like to think of my life, that it's a big dream and that I'll wake up one day and be completely normal. I dread that day I do wake up. I like it much better this way, it's new and it changes a lot. Except that I'm alone, that I'm the only real person in my dream. At least, that's what I think. And anyone that does visit me, the odd girl that sees things, well, they do not see the things I do and I am alone again very quickly. I think people watch me, monitor me. But it must be very boring, as they don't see the wonderful things that I see. They don't think like I do. My mind is full of stories, and ideas, and poems waiting to be written down.

I am insane, and everyone knows it. I am not ashamed of my madness, it is lonely at times, and it can be very confusing, but I like it. It's a game full of magical creatures and worlds of darkness, dimensions of colors and kingdoms upon towers of clouds.

It is mine. I am willing to share it, but for now it is mine because no one else sees it. This madness is both a gift and a torture, and others call it unhealthy, twisted, a work of the devil, impossible, sad, and many things like these.

But some are fascinated by it. How do you think they get ideas for shows and movies? The authors of books are more independent, however. They use their own ideas, they are geniuses. And there are exceptions to movie writers and producers, because often they take a simple idea and transform it into even more, better than I could ever think of. I love that people take use of my ideas and stories of my world, it makes me feel important. But no one has taken the ideas off my walls in a long time.

For I am the girl made of magic, stories, images, tales from beyond this world. I am the girl who has walked for miles in an average sized room, traveled to galaxies beyond our reach, flown above the cloud line, walked on water, met impossible creatures, written thousands of poems, and dreamt for eighteen years.

I am Ella Banks, and I am completely and utterly insane.

Did you like that? Sorry if it's confusing, but that's how it's supposed to be, Ella is insane :)

This is supposed to show how an odd girl sees things others can't and what she dreams of. This isn't an actual look into an actual mad person's mind, it's completely fiction, and isn't supposed to offend anyone, sorry. Except for a few people, the characters are all made up, from their names to their personalities.

So, this shouldn't offend anyone. Any connections or similarities to any real person(s) is completely coincidental, except for a few people who are actually real people (we'll learn who they are within the rest of the book) and I would like it if you did NOT copy my ideas without permission from me before you write and publish anything.

xx

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