And now I am sitting here with my dad in my arms, on the streets. My dad is throwing up while there are cars and people rushing past.

My dad is intoxicated again. He is always drunk. I can't think of a time when he was sober.

"Dad are you alright now?" I said frustrated. Because I was tired and cold and I really just wanted to go to bed. Because I had to go to work tomorrow.

See, things really have changed since the accident.

After I got let out of the hospital we got sent to a house for homeless people. It was a horrible place. People always got drunk and the managers were really mean. They abused the people in there and sometimes we didn't even have food for a week. They hated us and all the people in there.

I hated it there. My dad got drunk everyday and he always got into many fights with all the other homeless people in the house.

I was so tired of all the fights and my dad. So one day I drank and got wasted. The next morning we got kicked out of the house because my dad nearly killed someone and apparently I encouraged him to do so. Since then we don't have a house and we live on the streets. My dad still drinks everyday and I have to sober him up everyday. But when he is finally kind of sober he goes to a club and starts drinking again.

I tried stopping him, but after a year I had enough and stopped trying. So since then he just drinks everyday and you know what?

I't really hurts seeing him like this. He Seems depressed and alcohol and drugs seem to be the only thing that works to numb the pain.

And i quess It's his life, so it's his choice. I tried to stop him, I really tried but it didn't work.

After I got dismissed out of the hospital. My chest hurt really bad, and sometimes I would get heart attacks or I couldn't breath properly. Sometimes we couldn't even pay for Health care so I had to just fight through the pain. but it made me stronger and it's going a lot better. I don't have heart attacks as often but I do have a permanent scar on my chest where James had stabbed me. Every time I look at it or if someone asks where I got it from I wouldn't answer or I would just shake my head. It hurts too much talking about it.

The physical pain doesn't hurt nearly as much as the pain of my heart aching. Aching for a person that doesn't exist anymore. A person that I saw dying in front of me.

I cried every night after the accident, for a full 3 years. It just hurt too much.

This year is going way better. I don't cry as often anymore but the pain isn't going away. I still have nightmares every night. I think about my mum everyday and it hurts so much.

I saw her. I saw my own mum die in front of me. I could have saved her if I was earlier or if I just killed James or if I ran up to my mum and then he could have killed me instead of my mum..


Emma stop!

See I am crying again. The fucking pain just wont stop.

I don't think I will ever recover. Or if I will ever feel happy again. If I will ever forget the horrible accident.

But as I said this year is going a lot better. I guess...

I have a job now, I don't get paid much but I can buy food and last month I even rented an apartment for a day! it was amazing. My dad and I were so happy, well as happy as we could get..

I work in the Wembley stadium in London and when there is a concert or an event I have to help the people to their seat. It isn't great. But since I didn't go to school I don't really have a choice.

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