Why me?

   All I wanted was to marry the love of my life. Was that too much to ask for? I woke up with god damn horns on my head. The girl I woke up next to told make about how she wants to eat whatever she wants to be fat. These horns are no good. I went to the doctor and he acted like it was normal. I ordered him by saying saw these horns off. He put me out and I woke up with him and the nurse having sex. What??! I asked him what they were doing before he said that he asked me for permission and my pain drugged self apparently nodded. What!! I had to rip out a saw out of my horn. Which hurt a lot more than I expected. Reporters followed me everywhere I went no matter where. I went to my parents and they told me horrible truths. Apparently my mother always hated me and told me to leave them alone and go away so she'll finally be happy. My father told me how much better my brother was and that he honestly believed that I would kill the love of my life so easily. That hurt way more than my mothers words. He said she was his favorite thing about me. I left crying, and when I stopped I went to the bar. The bar tender told me about the illegal dog fighting ring he owns. Sigh. He then told me he wants to burn the bar down for extra cash. Other guys told me horrible things and one old man shoved his pants completely off including his underwear. The bar tender lit the bar on fire and I decide I should leave. I called my friend Lee to meet me. Apparently he can't see the horns on my head. Maybe only bad people see them and good people don't? I have to go , the reporters are following me. Sincerely -Iggy