The result...

My mom is dead. We don't know how. We don't know when, but she's dead. The moment I found out she died I changed. Maybe not for the better but I changed. My family wasn't to happy about it but who gives a fuck. That day I dyed my hair black started wearing make up and kissed my innocents goodbye. That day the old Alisha died and a new Alisha was born. I'm Alisha Walden, and this is my story.

I walk into school. Smelling of alcohol and cigarette smoke. People are starring as I walk through the hall half buzzed and half asleep. Either way I look like shit. I put my backpack in my locker, shut off my phone and set it on the top shelve where I have this dinky safe where I set my phone in so no one steals it. Grab first periods folder and head to look for Stephanie. I know Aliza isn't here today or I would be looking for her too. I see Stephanie and she sees me. Of course she looks concerned she hasn't seen me sense mom died.

"Alisha are you drunk??" Stephanie whispers to me. "No. Not yet. Follow me." I motion toward my locker. In there I grab out my small flask with vodka in it and strap it on my leggings under my skirt. Then I unstrap it take a sip and laugh. "Oh.My.God. Alisha! What are you doing? What's in there!" Stephanie says freaking out. "Chill it's just vodka. When'd you get all up tight Miss higher than the Sky?" I say laughing. "Alisha." She says with a concerned voice.

Before she could continue, the minute bell rings. She grabs my arm and we start running to class. Of course I'm almost drunk so I'm falling every where.

We made it just in time. Of course everyone is staring at us. Mostly me, because I'm like drunk and shit.

"Alisha step out side for a second." Mrs. Stepp says. She's my science teacher. She loves me. Then my mom died. She treated me like a sick puppy. I guess that's ok but annoying as hell. I stand out side trying to stand straight up. I decided to walk to get a cold drink and splash my face so I can try to sober up a bit. Yea let's see how this works. I get halfway down the hall and her door opens and shuts. I here her high heel dress shoes heading my way so I stop in my tracks and turn around to face her. "Alisha I know your drunk. Your reek of vodka. Come with me." She says motioning toward the bathroom.

"Drink this." She says handing me this bottle of god knows what. So I drink it. Then I throw up, and poof I'm sober.

"What was that for now my buzz is gone at I reek of throw up." I say in a sharp tone.

" Alisha. Why where you buzzed in the first place? I know your moms death has been hard--" I cut her off " Don't say anything about my moms death this has nothing to do with it!" I shout. I storm out tossing her a note to give to Stef. I run to my locker get my things and leave.

___________________________________________________________________

At this time of day I'm home alone. So I open the door wave 'hi' to the security cams and walk on. My cell phone starts to ring and what do you know it's dad. He's bitching about how I'm home. Well it shouldn't matter to him. I'm 15 and I pay my rent so he shouldn't be flipping out. I make my way by selling my painting at the coffee shop down the street. I go up to my room. Lock my doors, and go sit in the bathroom. I don't know why I'm in here I just feel like I should be in here.

-in this part it is going to start getting triggering so just warning you-

I start crying. Shouting at god asking why he took mom. I start crying and I can't stop. I always read these book online about people cutting them selves in these situations and it working. Still crying I take a sip of vodka, find my razor and brake it open. In the mess of my blurry tears I find a good blade. I go in my drawers and look for bandaid pad stuff, 'cause I know it can get messy and take it out. Next thing I know I'm bleeding. Red almost black liquid racing out of my wrist and into the sink. The tears stop. I hear banging on my front door. It's Stef and Liza. I quickly bandage my self up clean my face up and run out there.

I open the door. "Yes?" They push there way through me hitting my wrists. I flinch in pain but no enough for them to notice. I didn't realize it's been 6 hours I've been crying, cutting, dying inside.

"Why did you leave!" They shout.

"Chill I just came back to relax and drink maybe smoke. I haven't found my cigarettes yet. Walk with me while I look for them." I say motioning to follow me

"Listen I'm gonna go use YOUR bathroom, not dads and then we will talk." Stef says poking me cause she's an idiot. I stop in my tracks. "WAIT! Let me check something first!" I run in there full speed. Clean up the bloody razor and hide it in my sock. Where else would I put it. Clean up the blood in the sink. Hide the broken razor and tissues with my make up on them and then flush the toilet for good luck. I walked out, and plop on my bed. My art desk is a mess. My regular desk is full with homework and a huge computer in it. My queen sized bed is like ginormous. Liza climbs on the bed with me while Stef goes to the bathroom.

"You know we are worried about 'cha girl, your not acting right." Liza confesses.

"I'm just fine. Can't you guys just get that I'm 15 and I can take care of my self." I say in the kindest voice I can. "Promise me you can??" I promise and send them on there way. God that was a close one dont'cha think. I close my eyes, and relieze I have to have painting done for the cafe tommorow at noon. I start painting my heart out. This isnt my usual painting this one is darker and more myserious. Just how Im feeling now.