he stands up from his seat and holds his hand out for me to shake, however i ignore it and wrap my arms around his torso with tears threatening my eyes. i didn't know how many nights i had stayed up thinking about him, if he made it through today safely, drove with care, ate enough or was sleeping well."please .. hug me back." my words are barely a whisper and ineffective as he only stands there unmoving. i move back tentatively. "you .. really don't remember me?"
"please take a seat, miss lee." he speaks seriously and sternly, however i can't stop myself from admiring the real, grown up in front of me.
"how are you?" i ask eagerly, squeezing his cheeks softly, that had seemed to have tightened heaps. his face was now sculpted, chiselled so perfectly. he grabs both my hands gently and sets them away from him.
"don't touch me."
"are you healthy?" i tilt my head and take notice of the height difference between us. we had both grown up, however we were still far apart in height.
"yes?"
"do you sleep well at night?"
"yes?"
"have you been eating regularly?"
"yes? miss lee, could you please take a seat?"
"do you have any children?"
"no?"
"are you singl—"
"immediately unaccepted. please leave this room right now." his jaw clenches due to his anger and he takes a seat, averting his gaze to the large windows that display the burning sunset, coincidentally almost identical to the sunset the both of us had looked at together after sharing our first kiss.
"this sunset .." my voice breaks and my knees go weak. how could he not remember me? was my role in his life that insignificant in his teenage years? why was everything for me so vivid, and for him, nothing at all?
"please leave this room right now." he repeats, the tick of his jaw making my eyes gloss even more and the single tear on the verge of my eye dropping fast down my cheek.
i wanted to ask him i ever crossed his mind, because he never leaves mine. but his answer was obvious now. none of this mattered, the letters i had written for him were suddenly meaningless and like the unwanted dust on top of the shelves, memories of our laughter dissolved in the wind and our relationship was forgotten. oblivion between us was inevitable, everything faded out so none of this ever mattered.
i don't know how many times i prayed on the stars that someday i could wake up to him as the love of my life, or how many times i fell harder for him through scenarios that happened in my dreams, or how many times i imagined being held by him again. none of it matters .. not even how many times i had imagined a future with him, with rocking chairs and grocery trips.
i turn around and tears helplessly trickle down my cheeks. ever since i was fifteen, i waited for the day a month from now, when i would finally be able to marry my best friend. i can't help but cry about how immature i am, waiting for the act of a promise that no longer existed.
a part of me still loves him, and always will. i may not be in love with him, but i definitely still loved him. although he looks like he could make flowers grow, he just made my life feel like it was no longer about living, but surviving.

YOU ARE READING
single by twenty five x jeon jungkook
Fanfiction"if we're both single by twenty five, we'll get married, promise?" - the fifteen year old that forgot about me ten years later