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"J-Justin." Ryan's moans filled the room as I lifted my hips up, following his voice to move faster.

I almost stopped right there, his moans were nothing like his.

But, I needed a since of comforting.  And Ryan gave me that.

So I continued to pleasure both of us, moving myself up and down, bouncing quickly as he told me to.

My dead boyfriend's best friend gave me comforting, comforting I wasn't letting go of.


It was waking up without him next to me.

Or was it having no one to hold at night?

It might be the growing void that's depressing me.

Or the fact I was pushed to go to a community college.

Just what I wanted. 3 weeks after he leaves, I get pushed by Charlie to finish high school and go to college.

So instead of sleeping in and being depressed everyday like I want, I get up, eat breakfast, and drive my car to college.

Charlie is covering everything. My college payment, apartment bills, phone bill.

The only thing I do for myself is buy my food and gas.

I'm hopeless without him.


College was better than high school. I had been accepted for my sexuality. 

I wasn't bullied.

I was getting decent grades.

Academically, I was fine.

I had a few friends I could call up when the thoughts of him got to be to much.

I even got a tattoo, He always told me I would look good with one.

I cut my hair, started working out, eating right.

I changed. Appearance wise.

On the inside I'm still the same broken boy who lost his brother, was hated by his parents, and had no real friends.

I was the same.

I was just broken without him.

{ gif of Justin on the side xx }

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