Jackass Number Two.

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[Bam has just been branded with a penis-shaped branding iron]
Bam Margera: You gave me a hologram d*ck! There's three solid d*cks, there's one half-assed one right here, and then you gave me a set of balls.
Johnny Knoxville: But a sweet set of balls!
Bam Margera: Rad... I'd rather rip my d*ck off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn

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Johnny Knoxville: [hands his fake grandson a flask] Don't hog it all you little prick...

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Chris Pontius: [after drinking horse cum] I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I'm completely ashamed of myself.

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Bam Margera: Please God, don't let there be a "Jackass 3".

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Johnny Knoxville: Rectal bleeding... another first for Jackass.

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Chris Pontius: I can't believe I'm fishing with Steve-o as my bait!

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Johnny Knoxville: [while Bam is in trailor with a Cobra] You crying?
Bam Margera: Yeah.

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Ryan Dunn: Ooh my hip! I think I just gave birth!

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Johnny Knoxville: [after taking a fall] My head stopped my body from getting really hurt on that.

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Ryan Dunn: [Johnny Knoxville is about to be launched with the rocket] This isn't the best idea.
Bam Margera: Yes it is...

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Chris Pontius: Hey Ehren, maybe after this movie you'll finally lose your virginity.

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Chris Pontius: [after completing Medicine Ball Dodgeball] That was fun. Let's never do that again.

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Steve-O: I just had a leech chomp my eyeball. YES!

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Phil Margera: [after seeing Bam's d*ck brand] He should have made it bigger, that puny thing's embarrassing!

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Steve-O: I'm Steve-O, and sorry Dad, but no one's gonna miss this for the world. This is the Butt Chug.

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Dave England: [after going downhill in the Big Tire Race] Oh I hate that, I hate it so bad! F*ckin' sucky!
Ryan Dunn: What part did you hate?
Dave England: The bouncing on my f*ckin' head!

**

Dave England: [while chewing on horse poo] It's so dry!

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Indian Doctor: I do not recommend putting leeches on testicles.

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Manny Puig: The anaconda is the largest snake in the world. It feeds on large animals and can kill grown men within minutes. Wee-Man, probably in seconds.
Johnny Knoxville: Why would you say that right before we film?

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Chris Pontius: [after sticking a fish hook through Steve-O's mouth] Oh, man. That hurt to do that to you.

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Ryan Dunn: I was scared of burnin' my own friend.
April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place Dunn?!
Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny...

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Ryan Dunn: [while fishing for sharks, using Steve-O as bait, and as sharks circle Steve-O] Dude, isn't this movie supposed to be a comedy?

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Johnny Knoxville: [Lance(a camera man) is laughing hysterically] I think we broke him!

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Steve-O: It's times like these when you know - Johnny Knoxville is one gnarly dude.

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Ryan Dunn: So here I am, trying to contribute to Ehren McGhehey's new beard. I hope he knows that I skipped showering for about a week and a half to make this a little more gross.  [shaves his pubic hair]

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