Need the sun to break

18. Open heart

Since her conversation with Cara Karlie decided it was time to face the truth: she wasn't fooling anything, not even herself anymore. Karlie and Taylor dated for eight and a half months and they have been apart for almost six months. Karlie decides that it is time to focus on her life again, she hasn't worked in all that time, the most she has done was going out with friends or sleeping with Toni but all of that didn't keep her from realize that she is still in love with Taylor. Probably it is the opposite, now the real situation is even harder to confront since for months she was numb but now she is feeling everything again. 

Karlie knows that she has done a lot of stupid things since the break up like mailing back Taylor's things or calling her like crazy when she saw her pictures with Harry. The singer was right that day, Karlie could have called her instead of mailing back all her things like that and also the fact that she went out with Toni a lot just to make her jealous and screw her a little bit. That wasn't mature, that wasn't Karlie at all and now she has to face the consequences. 

It is time to be a normal person. She starts to write songs again, most of them about Taylor and some of them about her own feelings and how she has dealt with everything until that moment. It isn't easy, writing means open her heart and let her feelings run wild, that's why she has avoided it for so many months but she felt a little more relieve after every song she wrote. She even started working with other artist like she had done in the past and it's only during this time when she accepted Selena's idea of working together on a song. Her friend had been asking her for one big song for years but Karlie didn't really like mixing friends with work more than necessary but she needed her friends around and maybe that was an opportunity to work and also bond even more with Selena. 

 Karlie  also started going to the gym again and spent time with her friends like Cara or Derek just to talk and hang out, no drinking involved anymore. The Toni issue is a little more complicated for her, going out with her ex is now part of her life and it distracts her from Taylor and her own feelings but she also know that she has kind of used her and doesn't want to really be that kind of girl. The problem is that to break up whatever she has with Toni she needs to give her a reason and she knows she is going to hurt Toni and that is the last thing her ex deserves. However one night Karlie had no option but to talk with Toni about her own feelings. 

Toni had gone to Karlie's place for dinner for Karlie is not really into the mood to be with her. She knew that they had to talk but she didn't seem to find the right time to tell her what she really felt about Taylor. 

-Stop... I can't do it- Karlie sighed when Toni started to kiss her on the neck. 

-What's wrong?- Toni asked worried 

-Me- Karlie said getting up and walking away from her. 

-What are you talking about- Toni asked not understanding what was happening. 

-Toni I'm really sorry but we have to stop this, I can't be with you- Karlie confessed, not wanting to make a big deal about that conversation. 

-But.. I thought... last months we were fine!- Toni said confused. 

-I know and I've tried to make it work but I can't Toni... I'm still in love with other person- Karlie said shaking her head. 

-I can't believe this- Toni protested getting up to face Karlie properly. 

-I'm sorry, I really am- Karlie apologized feeling really guilty. 

-I don't want to hear it Karlie- Toni snapped, it was not the first time that Karlie had broken her heart so she didn't want to see her again -you know what? fix your life and don't call me next time you need to play with someone.