I woke up puffy faced, scratchy throated, and tear stained.
"Was it a dream? Please tell me it was just a dream," I groaned. I opened my eyes to see Julian.
"I wish, and I would, but we promised not to lie to each other."
My heart broke. I stretched my arms and legs and back. I grabbed Rob's jersey and threw it over my head. I turned to where the hospital bed should've been.
"Where is he?" I asked worriedly.
"MRI. Are you ok, Alex?" Julian asked, his brow creasing. I scoffed.
"Yeah. I'm abso-fucking-lutely great," I said dryly. Julian threw his hands up in defeat.
"I was just checking."
"Sorry," I said, licking my lips. He shook his head.
"It's all good. Do you wanna go outside and walk around?" Julian asked. I nodded and jotted down a quick note. I put it on the table and we walked out into the hall. We walked down the hall and to the elevators, going down. We went outside and sat on a nearby bench.
"How did this happen?" I asked, my voice scraggly. "We were all doing so well. Then...the world came crashing down on us."
"I don't know Alex," Julian admitted.
"Everything was perfect. It was bad enough he thought I was mad at him...Julian, I don't know what to say. I'm running out of words."
"Well...then......I don't know either, Alex," he sighed.
"I have a word that perfectly describes this predicament. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. In the wise words of Colin Firth: shit," I sighed and looked over at Julian. "You've been crying."
"Yeah. Last night. I wish it were a dream too."
"How are the others?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said with a shrug.
"You haven't talked to them?"
"No. I've talked to Tom. He feels horribly...but he said it, just like me: football is a physical game," Julian said.
"He was in so much pain," I whispered. "He was crying and swearing and trying to pretend it didn't bother him."
"He's gonna be ok," Julian assured me. I scoffed.
"Ok? Ok?" I shrieked. "I've known players who have hurt themselves this badly, and never played football again! Never again! What does he have to fall back on? Yeah he has money from playing football, but what about us? Huh Julian?"
"Alex, I know," he said.
"You don't know!" I roared. "If he never does play football again, how is that gonna effect me? I won't have the inclination to coach anymore! What about our relationship? Well to hell with it now! Do you have any idea what football has done to me my whole life? Football has screwed me over too many times!"
"Alex, it's alright. What has football ever done to you?" Julian asked.
"Alright.Freshmen year: I was broken up with at halftime of the Homecoming game. Sophomore year: Rob got hurt playing football and I stayed with him for two weeks while he couldn't come to school, and I got suspended for two days because I deliberately wasn't showing up. Junior year: It was Rob's senior year. Enough said. Senior year: Rob took a football scholarship to Ari-fucking-zona. So that meant I lost my best friend and my boyfriend. Also, we kept dating which was stupid of us.Alright? So that's everything that had to do with football in high school, never mind life," I said to Julian, angrily crossing my arms.
"Alright!" he sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Do you wanna go in?"
I got up and trudged back to the main building of the hospital in the cold Boston air. I walked into the main building, not even considering the secretary. I walked into the elevator, Julian at my side. We went up to whatever floor Rob was on, and went to his room. He was on the hospital bed, and he smiled slightly when we came in. I ran to the bed and wrapped him in a hug.
"Are you ok?" I asked into his shoulder.
"I don't know."
"Not like what the tests show. Are you ok? How do you feel?" I asked.
"My knee hurts like hell, but hey," he said with a shrug.
"You were screaming yesterday...you scared me. Then you looked like you were crying...."
"When I came in, you were out cold and holding on to my jersey for dear life. You were sweating, and I could tell you were having a nightmare," he said softly. I nodded.
"All I could think of was you," I said, shutting my eyes tightly. I kissed his cheek softly.
"You should go home and shower, get your mind off things," Rob suggested. I shook my head.
"I'm not leaving until you get the results."
"Well, I'm here to deliver them now."
I saw as the doctor came in.
"We have concluded that you have torn both your right ACL and your MCL."
I let out a little whimper.